needthosepylons

joined 1 year ago
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[–] needthosepylons 1 points 1 week ago

I like this conversation very much too. And I like the way you describe your will to volunteer and your conception of the steps ahead.

As for religions, I'm not certain. I can really like and admire people who live and love deeply something in the religious faith. Alone or with others. But communities.. I'm not saying social control is bad in itself but this type of social control is rather frightening to me.

And changing... What a topic! Did you ever try to measure the time it takes you to change on a specific aspect? It's a very strange yet reassuring experience. I used to do this a lot, a bit less nowadays, but for example, I'd write :

"learn to handle praise to be as kind as possible with others, understanding it as" somehow I kinda like something in you" and accept the kindness but be unsettled by the praise itself, or, better, make yourself truly incapable of understanding it as a praise"

in a notebook, because it was a very often present in my thoughts and then, after writing, forget about it. Let things unfold organically without giving it much thoughts. An indeterminate time later, I'd be praised for school performance, for example, and.. somehow, in a way I couldn't fully understand, I both felt I understood the praise and I didn't really know what to make of it, all the sudden.

Then, a few weeks later, after processing the event, grab my notebook and write : "8 months".

It's quite interesting, and gives a little sense of : "Hmmm.. this may take quite a time, but let's see when/how/by which ways I'll try to get there.. or at least somewhere close!"

[–] needthosepylons 1 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Thank you for your message!

I'll try to answer as best as I can. My close friends and family sometimes mock me gently for my attitude, but overall, I think they're happy with it. Even if they're trying to help me learn about how to take breaks. I'm listening, but the translation process is quite long.

Being vulnerable with them is hard. But I'm trying my best. I think I've been doing it increasingly the last year but that's never easy. It happens, now, though!

I really don't think I hold them to these standards. And that's 'it because they wouldn't be worthy of these standard, making me a superior being. It's just that.. they have their own sets of standards. Mine are about, err.. morals. Theirs can be about creativity, balance or anything else and it would be equally beautiful. Well, if they were terrible human beings, I don't think we would be friends at all.

As for your last question, yes, I do.. I think. I hold them to what I liked in them. Even if I admit people may change, even radically. I.. yeah, there's something in them that I loved. And that thing may very well change in it's expression, but if at some point I feel it's totally gone, I may have a hard time remaining friends with them. But I suppose most people react like that?

Regarding your thoughts, well.. That's a tough one.

But a really interesting one as well.

I'm not really sure.. I suppose that may be my way to avoid being scared of death while I live ? Imagining the scene and just being like "Well, it's okay if it ends now, I explored the way I've chosen in life as much as I could". There may be something like that. I imagine it's more.. serene?

I'm not sure - but maybe I don't see - what parts of life I would miss right now. Because I don't think I'm.. hmm.. forbidding myself any specific path I would like to tread with these standards. Drugs? Certain types of illegal acts? Starting over in another country? Why not. Things I don't want to do, though, like trying to dominate people, I could say I'm preventing myself from that, but really, that's.. contradicting all I want so strongly I'm not even sure who "I" is in this case.

Il not 100% sure about my answer, but your question about death was a very interesting one. And I really appreciate the way you framed it. Thank you!

[–] needthosepylons 2 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (2 children)

First, kind stranger, thank you very much for you answer. It's quite funny that I used to be quite patronizing too until I went through a major depression and became a slightly different person.

And yes I think I see what you mean. My therapist recently told me something quite close, but I'm not sure I'll find the words to translate it to English. But yes, clearly, I'm trapped in a "overdoing-collapse" cycle I still need to learn to manage in a better way. Although.. maybe I'm making progress in this regard, I tend to collapse less and less heavily, and I sometimes take breaks.

The thought you brought up us very interesting, and my own answer us quite simple. To contextualize, I've been active in a few community organizations in the past, then it all stopped when I moved to another city. Now, I just happen to like people I sometimes meet and try to behave as I described. But it's quite close to a normal life too. Closer than before at least.

And so, I met a thought similar to yours a few days ago, an answer came from my heart : "I don't know. But what I know is that wishing I was something/someone else that the thing/person I am, trying to force myself to do something I currently can't do is preparing myself for a life of guilt and misery, and likely make my loved ones pay for this guilt and misery. And that can't be good".

How does this sound to you? I'm not sure about it, but I've sticked with this answer ever since.

[–] needthosepylons 2 points 2 weeks ago (3 children)

Interesting questions, thanks! I'm not sure I feel much when I'm doing well in that project. Not joy or pride for sure. Rather "we'll, that could have been worse!".

Bit what I'm almost sure about us the answer to your second question. My goal is unreachable, but pursuing it does bring the most important value : living the way I want to leave. It's all about preparing for the end. When I'll die, I just want to be able to say : everything I could do given the circumstances, my own strengths and weaknesses, what I was able to do at a given time, I tried to do it. So I regret nothing. In a way, I'll die, sure and I don't believe in any kind of afterlife, but somehow I'll have lived to the fullest.

[–] needthosepylons 1 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Ocd is a nice lead indeed ^^

[–] needthosepylons 1 points 2 weeks ago

Ah, yes you're right. And I think I feel the same. I can strive for perfection and know the best I can do is the best solution within my reach. Then, well, that's the way to go.

[–] needthosepylons 2 points 2 weeks ago

My own philosophy/creed is based on Spinoza. I've seen a few parallels drawn between him and stoicism. I'll definitely read about those. Thank you very much!

[–] needthosepylons 1 points 2 weeks ago

You're right. And I make exceptions for these, I think I wrote it in my first post. When someone is mistreated, there's no morality, for me, except an intervention, an angry one if need be.

[–] needthosepylons 0 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

But.. There wouldn't be any contradiction between trying your best to do the right thing and rewarding sex/finding a projets you're passionate about. Or is there?

[–] needthosepylons 0 points 2 weeks ago

Well.. If I had a bad day.. that's it. From quitting smoking, I understood this : There's no virtue in guilt. Guilt will always make thing worse. The best and only thing to do is to fix what makes you guilty and if you can't, get a good night of sleep.

When I wrote trying to act like a saint, it was a bit ironical, like I was trolling myself. But in practice, well, it looks quite similar.

But I'm trying to keep a calm mind. I learnt froo' Spinoza a very emancipating way of thinking : ".... as much as it is currently on oneself to".

I've felt jealousy two times I think. Well. It means in the context I was in, given all the determinations of the situation, I could not feel anything beside jealousy. Then I'll try to change the situation, playing on whatever parameters I can, to diminish the jealousy in favor of something else I feel more aligned to. It will or won't work. If it doesn't, well, no need to panick or feel guilty, I'll have to try another way.

To answer your questions, the fear of judgment would certainly qualify. Fear of badness not so much. It's always "as much as I can". But some days, I can very little. I'll try my best to do this very little.

And I don't judge other people (as long as they're not bosses, politicians, capitalists, etc). Even if they don't care about morals as I do, they can still be decent individuals and strive with all their being got something else. Beauty, woodworking, fixing society, music, getting enough money to pay their mother a nice retirement house, becoming skilled martial artists, hiking in the country, finding nice mushrooms. I respect all those and recognize my brothers and sisters in them. My own morally-centered way is just.. a way along others, it's not better but it's the one I'm drawn to.

Do you see what I mean?

[–] needthosepylons 2 points 2 weeks ago

Your last point is.. where it all kinds falls off. I'm trying to learn about it. Be careful about myself. 8ve understood that's what I have to learn, but it will take time. I understood it's important, thanks to my therapist, thought. Thanks so much for your message!

[–] needthosepylons 2 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Hmmm.. If I drop a plate and it smashes, I won't feel much. Maybe a bit pissed for 5 secs if I'm in a hurry. I'll just take another. If a friends does it, I won't react in any specific way. In both cases, there's no.. moral question involved for me, I think. Do you think there could be?

I'm striving to be as just and kind as it is possible in a given situation. And sincerely, I truly think I'm doing this for myself. Well, it's complicated since I'm also the kind of person who tries to please everyone he loves. But.. I feel my reward is not any praises, praises are bland, they don't understand what is at play. Not points but searching for the best behavior, nourishing the best ideas, giving minimal place to the others.

I sincerely think I'm not considering myself better or worse than anyone. My way is a moral one. A certain of moral, as well. So that's what I strive for. I totally admit other people could strive for something else entirely and I wish them luck in this, except if it's toxic and power hungry.

So since I very rarely compare myself to others, the question of my value compared to theirs makes no sense for me. The question of my own value to my own eyes either. I am. I don't have to prove anything to anyone, even to myself. Being us enough.

But I find your answer very delicate, wise and kind so thank you very much for writing this, truly!

21
submitted 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) by needthosepylons to c/[email protected]
 

Why do it seems that pedophilia is, nowadays, percieved as the most vicious crime, along with terrorism? Why not, for example, sexual assault?

I mean it as an actual question, but first I should clarify my intent :

-I'm not advocating for normalizing pedophilia

-I have been a victim of it myself. Luckily, I've mostly recovered from it and live a happy life.

-Because of my political commitments, which are totally unrelated to this question, I've met some old people from the 70s who advocated for the depenalization of consensual sex between minors and adults (if such a thing exist, which can legitimately be doubted).

-I'm friend with one of them but I could never understand how that idea came to their minds. She knows I oppose the very idea. But it got me curious.

What I want to ask is, what, in contemporary history, contributed to make pedophilia the #1 vicious crime, surpassing rape in most consciences (if I'm not mistaken), in your opinion?

Feel free to delete this if that's not acceptable. Also, I didn't include the word "pedophilia" in the title to avoid triggering people who may have such experiences.

 

Poto sérieux change de code

 
116
submitted 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago) by needthosepylons to c/gaming
 

Well, as a guy, I've been asked multiple times why I systematically play games female characters in video games, to the point of skipping a game if I'm forced to pay a male one, with a few exceptions (I really liked Albus from Troubleshooters for example). Whenever there's romance in a game, I'll also take the F/F route. Yet, I don't think I fetishize those in general. There's a thing about not liking most M characters in games, but also something about playing someone really different from who I am. We've had an interesting conversation about this with my gf who always plays F characters and woyd never play M.

Although I'm a straight guy, I've always more identified to female friends and characters, although I have a few male friends too. So I'm wondering who else does that (playing a character not matching your gender), and if you found your own explanation.

Edit : It's not really an oversexualization drive for me, I try to play a female character that looks like me, even though I've never thought about actually becoming a woman.

Edit 2 : So far, I think we have, hmm..

  1. Playing someone that differs from one's irl identity
  2. Physical Attractivity
  3. Male character writing and design
  4. Lara Croft effect
  5. Lady Dwarf
 
 

As per title. This is such a great feature, included by Eternity, Sync, Connect and a few others. A very nice QoL which a few users desperately want in their app. I'm one of them! Good luck with the development of Boost!

 

Mine is quite certainly "I have striven not to laugh at human actions, not to weep at them, nor to hate them, but to understand them".

6
submitted 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) by needthosepylons to c/newcommunities
 

A community for those interested in ethics and particularly about the work on Spinoza. Anyone is welcome, you don't need a degree. Gatekeeping is not allowed.

If you are curious or want to share you examples, memes, discussions about how Spinoza's Ethics are relevant to you, of if you're curious and just want to learn a thing or two about it, come and discuss!

[email protected]

3
submitted 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) by needthosepylons to c/spinoza
 

For me it was through Deleuze's course on Spinoza. Stumbled upon it. Thought "well, idk anything about this, I might as well listen to it in the background while playing Warframe".

I ended up.. not playing a lot of Warframe..

9
submitted 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) by needthosepylons to c/atheism
 

I've been thinking about writing this following a discussion on atheistmemes because it gave me a lot to think about.

The idea is quite simple. I acknowledge there are multiple visions of atheism but never really took the opportunity to discuss it with people.

So here are the main cornerstones of my vision of atheism. Do you share them or reject them ?

-Gods, as religions define it, do not exist. There might be some kind of metaphysical supreme entity, but it would be more akin to an abstraction.

-Spiritual beliefs, per se, are not a good or bad thing. I admire quite a lot of religious minded people. Abolitionist quakers, anarchist christians, muslim thinkers, poets, activists fighting for emancipation from colonial/theocratic rule, etc. That being said, I believe I'll live and die as an atheist.

-Religious institutions are quasi-inherently evil. I write "quasi-" because I don't know enough about all beliefs system. What about animist/pantheist institutions ? I don't know. I come from a family of African immigrants and I hear mixed things about those.

-Being an atheist do not make you better or worse than being a believer, and, quite importantly, not "wiser". Wisdom is earned from character and mind. That being said, being a fundamentalist and being wise are mutually incompatible imo.

-I deeply hate and resent all missionaries. Religious ones, especially fundamentalism of all shapes and forms, for sure, but also atheist ones. I believe there's no god, I don't need my friends to accept this. If they want to learn about atheism, I'll tell them. I often question them about religion, because I sometimes have trouble understanding how they can be great people while believing in what are basically myths to me. But that's all. That's just me who don't understand. I don't think they would be "better" as atheists.

-I have an ambiguous relation to Islam. While I reject it as a set of institutions, like all other religions, and absolutely despise it's fundamentalist current, I do understand that some large part of anti-Islam movements are actually ethnoracists in (a bad) disguise. I tend to favour alliances with muslim individuals/groups i'll be able to talk with without it being infuriating. Tbh, the only fundamentalists I actually talked with irl were Christians and Jews. But that's just my social position. If I was born in another context, another place, another family, it who would be different. I don't doubt all religions produce fundamentalism in a somehow equal measure.

-I truly think reason is not a quality which is restricted to atheism. Even if, like wisdom, I think some conceptions of religion bar people from living according to reason. But I can't respect people waving the "reason" flag like a title, an honor or an automatic consequence to being an atheist. Reason is a way of life, certainly not an authoritarian one, it's hard earned and always fragile. And it's certainly not restricted to "maths". Although mathematics are a part of it. Understanding what's good and bad for your own complexion is, for me, the beating heart of reason. Easier said than done.

-Despite all I said, I understand and won't criticize a very strong stance against any religion from someone who's been oppressed by them. Although, and take it with a grain of salt because it's only my experience of those people, I don't feel like they're the first ones to wave atheist as the flag of a nation or a pride backed by a superiority complex.

To end this wall of text, here's a summed up version of how I was raised. My parents are far from perfect, but this they did fine.

Both were religious. Jewish and Muslim, with various degrees of adhesion/rejection/deviation from their faiths (quite complicated for my mother). They had us participate in both religious rituals when we were young. We sang prayers (as we sang folk songs, we didn't make a difference). But they didn't give us any kind of religious education. When we were 14 or 15, they gathered my siblings and I and basically told us this :

"We are religious. But that's just us. You've experienced what is religion. You should make a choice about it. Either now or later. There will be no consequence to your choice under this roof."

There were three of us. We all choose to be atheists. They acknowledged our choice add we never once discussed that again.

That's it. I'd like to hear your opinions about all this, if any. Thanks for reading !

Edits : typos

 

Well ironically, sorry if it has been posted already (and I think so), because I'm currently using an app which allows to hide posts on scroll. That's the only important feature liftoff is missing imo and I hope you'll consider it !

That being said, the app is wonderful. Good job !

 

Bon, après, j'aime bien.

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