myeyesburn

If only there was some way to prevent this besides thoughts and prayers...

I was dropped on my head before i was even ~~born~~ conceived.

Ftfy ;-)

That man's name? "Albert Einstein!"

They are also stealing all the toilets from the police stations. So far, officers have nothing to go on.

Sounds delicious. What are the crumbles on top? Brown sugar?

Giving me a hand job. So even if I lose, I've still won. 100 times.

So now I know what my wife is referring to when she says I'm as majestic as an eagle. She just means what I look like when I first wake up.

Not if he said, "No one will ever believe you."

Glad you aren't drinking beer. You could get sand in your Schlitz. 😁

For those unaware, Schlitz is a brand of beer in the US. 😉

Nope, not legal.

Believe it or not, straight to jail.

Or, that's a paddlin'.

Both applicable. Take your pick.

Don't forget the blow!

I'm not your buddy, pal!