UniversalMonk

Let me guess: He was thwarted in his quest like a Scooby-Doo villain, and the cool Universal Monk showed him up, and everyone clapped.

Oh man, you didn't even read it? I mean there's recipe sharing, some singing, some laughs. I don't wanna spoil it for you, but it does seem like a fun time had by all. Well, almost all. But you gotta admit, I do get accused of "main character syndrome" every day, so it really had to lead to a story sooner are later, right?

You reacted to the community’s disapproval and requests for you to stop

The mods allow me to keep posting there, so I'll keep posting there. In fact, posting some stuff there this morning!

doubling down and adopting a gleeful serial-killer energy

You mean, being friendly. Meh, easy to get confused about the two, I guess. But I do like your wording. Hey, are you a pulp-writer too?! Friend, you gotta submit something to the Tales from the Cryptic Lemmy community! Come on, do it! I can see that I've inspired some passion in you!

I’m completely serious that I’m concerned about you.

See that? I knew we were on the verge of being friends. I can feel it now—a friendship bubbling up from the depths like a long-buried secret, just waiting to explode! You’ve been holding it back, afraid to let it out, but guess what? It’s happening! You can’t stop it now. Hooray!

Excluding sleep and working, you’ve been averaging posting something on Lemmy every 9 minutes, every single hour of every single day for 2 months.

Prolific, right? Ya know, I’ve always felt a connection to those million-word-a-year men; the old pulp writers. They cranked out stories and words nonstop, and now here I am, doing the same! Just as underappreciated in my time as they were in theirs, but hey, quantity over quality, right?! I sorta feel like I'm living my dream right now. And to see you so worked up and passionate about what I'm doing! Thank you for this shout-out!

You could have been accomplishing any number of projects with that, something you could be really proud of

But I am proud of my work on Lemmy. Thank you for your kind words. I've written two more stories that I'm posting today and I'm posting some more articles today, so be sure to update your stats about me. Thanks, friend! :)

"Well, well, well. Looks like our lonely botanist has found a friend that really grows on him... but be careful, dear boils and ghouls, because in this twisted tale, the only thing thicker than love’s roots... is the blood it feeds on! So grab your gardening gloves and prepare for a tale where a nice little friendship blossoms... and so do the bodies!"

Friend, I think you're misunderstanding the tone of the stories and the community. By "skimming," you're missing the point and the flavor. You're free to do that, but your critique doesn't really count since you didn't read the entire thing.

It's a writing community meant to be filled playful throwbacks to the campy, exaggerated horror writing from the 50s and 60s. Nothing in it is meant to be taken seriously.

Look at the description for the first story: "Get ready, boils and ghouls, for a twisted tale of identity, deception, and a change of taste you won’t believe… until it’s too late!"

It's all about embracing that over-the-top style! Do you not see that?! Your reaction is actually really funny to me!

Your overly serious attitude is what I'm parodying in some of the stories. But meh, not everyone likes pulpy over-the-top bad horror writing. There's a reason it's called crap. So no worries.

But thanks for your "concern" about me. I can really feel the sincerity in your polite comments about me! lol

"In tonight’s tale of terror, we follow a man with a mission—a mission to get rid of the mysterious figure known as Universal Monk.

Our brave hero thinks he's just battling a keyboard warrior on the interwebs, but after a little trip, he’ll learn that hunting sea lions isn’t as easy as he thought.

Get ready, boils and ghouls, for a twisted tale of identity, deception, and a change of taste you won’t believe... until it's too late!"

"Next time you think you’re grounded in reality, think again—because in this tale, it’s not just your mind that mushrooms out of control. Hope you're ready for the root of all terror!"

Well, well, kind sir, you've just earned yourself a small, yet prominent role in my latest twisted tale! Thanks for the support, friend—you're part of the nightmare now!

https://lemmy.world/post/21045485

Oh man, see? That's the EXACT line my new story starts with. Ok, fine, just know that in my next story (that you won't read), it's about a guy with a very similar name to yours, but it's not you. And since you won't be reading it, I feel fairly confident that you aren't going to be offended.

And you know what? I totally get it if you're not feeling up to diving into the first story. I mean, it’s only about the ever-so-fascinating shimmering thread between reality and unreality, transracialism, fungus existentialism, drugs, truth, justice, and the American way.

Oh wait, hold on—crap! That’s my next story, not the first.

Dammit, see what happens when a whole team of Russians, collecting our precious Russian Bitcoinz, shares one account to spread propaganda and tear apart the very fabric of America through Lemmy and then tries to post?

Or wait, am I bot now? No, no, no. I think the last theory was that I was a 12-year-old doing this in between eating spaghetti and watching cartoons while at one of my divorced parent's houses. Was it Mom's house or Dads?

I can't remember. Ugh. So complicated to keep this huge propaganda machine going!

Thank you. It's been a lot fun working on it!

Thanks! And it’s pretty cool that my first ever upvotes are on that story. A few people seem to appreciate it!

Of course, we both know once folks in c/politics discover that I wrote it, it’ll get downvoted to oblivion, but hey, for now, I’m enjoying this little quiet moment of upvotes. Haha!

Did you actually read the story though? I think you'll recognize some of the things said in it! lol

Can I use your name for the next story I'm writing? Not exactly inspired by you, but from others in that community who've had some stuff to say. It's fun too!

I started it last night and am finishing it up today, but I need a name!

But I don't want you to accuse me of being a troll. :)

Well, you're free to believe what you want to believe. Thank you! :)

Hey! You inspired me, so thank you!

The Man Who Hunted Sea Lions on Lemmy: https://lemmy.world/post/21037978

Hey! You inspired me, so thank you!

The Man Who Hunted Sea Lions on Lemmy: https://lemmy.world/post/21037978