LOL, thanks for that article link. Fun read.
I can't speak authoritatively regarding ocean cruises as I've only ever been on a river cruise. It was, from what I've come to understand, a very different experience. However, I have become acquainted with a number of regular ocean cruise goers and the authors comments regarding it being part cult and part pyramid scheme rings true in my mind. There's definitely an almost cult-like adoration of cruise ships and the cruising life-style. Those people plan their lives around their next cruise. The amount of time and money they spend on cruises can be... shocking.
The only other antidote I can give is my experience witnessing what happens when a cruise ship full of tourists let out at what was a few minutes before a relatively quiet historical destination. The place was an ancient coastal fortification (sorry, I won't give the precise name/location as I prefer to not give out too many details of my life/travels), and for a couple hours prior to the arrival of the cruise ship it was fairly quiet with only a smattering of other tourists there, allowing us to explore the ruins and mull over some of it's curious architectural features and generally speculate as to how it's inhabitants may have lived. Suddenly, we heard a cacophony of voices, many of them shouting. Soon, the entire place (it was a sizable, sprawling fortification) was practically overrun with cruise passengers who had apparently been dropped off like toddlers to a daycare by their weary mothers. Seemingly, being on a cruise entitles you to be as loud and obnoxious as possible. It was clear, that many weren't even aware of what this place was or it's historical significance based on the many stupid questions we heard blurted out at the top of their lungs. We tried to solder on, but eventually we were forced to retreat out of frustration and embarrassment (most of the cruise goers were clearly from North America just like us). Anyway, it was probably the event that most solidified the idea in my mind that I do not wish to ever take part in an ocean cruise. Despite this event taking place more than two decades ago, the thought of being around people like that nearly 24/7 to this day fills me with profound dread.
I thank you from the bottom of my heart for addition of "Guzzle my entire septic tank." to my repertoire of insulting phrases. π