Transfem

I never used to be able to on twitter and Reddit. But then I experienced social media without them, and it was a revelation. It showed me just how toxic it was. And quite simply, I don't want to that toxicity in my life anymore, so I don't feel compelled to engage

If the comment is obvious flame bait, nothing needs to be said.

However, if someone is making a bad argument that sounds compelling at a glance, I think it's important to rebut. Not because you're trying to convince the original poster to take on a new view - that's highly unlikely. No, you're talking to other people reading the thread.

I take it as my civic duty to enter into real debates against faulty reasoning.

One thing that helped me was reframing who is in control of the situation.

If you let any comment get to you it means you're accepting that any bigot can decide to ruin your day whenever thay want, you're giving them this power. You don't own them an explanation, nor your time, you can be in control and choose to ignore them and be happy instead of angry.

It's not your duty to "fix" them, and even if it was, no one changes their ideology after just one conversation, screaming through a screen is not gonna improve either people's day.

@StarlightRose On twitter I often did respond, but then block them before they could reply back. My thinking was that I wasn't talking to them, but rather to people reading the thread that needed to see their fallacies debunked. Giving them the chance to respond was just allowing more bad faith arguments made of logical fallacies, so it is never a good idea.

I used to do that all the time especially on reddit. I try not to frequent online spaces that are welcoming or tolerant of any bigotry. I also spend a lot less time on social media than I used to. But that being said if I do see something on here thats bigoted in any way I will say something.

Young me would try to argue with them because I thought I could change their mind / opinions.

Even trying to kill them with kindness doesn’t get them to change the way they feel or act.

So I just blissfully ignore them. I can’t control what people say about me, or what people think about me, what I can control is whether or not I let their feelings affect my emotional state. I just try to be best most honest version of myself, sometimes I fall short of that, but generally I treat people how I want to be treated. And if they reply with hatred, or disrespect then I cut them out of my life as much as I can 😊

Tell them you look forward to seeing them on grindr

I equate it to trying to hold a rational, reasonable conversation with a guy screaming on a street corner: not going to happen.

Walk on by and go about your day.

Just block them and enjoy life, they are subhumans that enjoy the confrontation

Or maybe just reply with some canned reply that will make them look idiot, then block

Bigots gonna bigot, and no matter what I say they won't listen, so all that's going to happen is I'll get mad and it'll ruin my day and they'll go on blissfully bigoting. I really really try to stop myself, for my own health.

Sometimes it's not about changing their mind though, it's about showing others that there's people who will stand up, and I can't help myself with those.

It is hard sometimes not to engage with bigots and bigotry in general...it just seems so senseless to me, I am always begging the universe to just give me the right words to change someone's mind...but that is not how it works...bigotry is something far beyond and unbeholden to the realms of emotion and logic.

It's easier to stop yourself from responding when you realize that most bigots are completely set in their way and are not going to change, no matter what you end up saying to them. It can still be hard, though.

But to answer your question, I'm doing good! I came out to my friends today, finally.

It takes too much energy I don’t have. Most folks like that aren’t moved by reason, and part of their end goal is to exhaust with a constant stream of BS. There are much more fruitful discussions to be had elsewhere.

I don't spend as much time online as I used to. Playing roller derby has helped me realize that these people do it most of the time because it's easy to do while being somewhat anonymous. Us women don't act like that with each other and the ones that do are typically kept out of reach with the Karens, the Christians, and the qanons. They're all cut from the same blood libel, satanic panic cloth as it was from the 80s and 90s. I'd be more shocked if they had an original thought.