this post was submitted on 02 Oct 2023
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Jokes

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He goes around the base to give things an inspection, hoping he can make a few changes to improve things. Only half way through his inspection, he finds a private stood next to a bench, seemingly doing nothing.

Commander: Private, what are you standing around for?
Private: Sir! My orders are to stand here and make sure nobody sits on this bench, sir!
Commander: ...Why?
Private: I'm not sure, sir! I was just told to do this by the previous commander!

Utterly confused, but unwilling to let the mystery lie, the commander makes a call to the previous commander, now promoted to brigadier.

Commander: Brigadier, sir. I just gained control of Fort Naimheer, and I was wondering why you ordered a man to stand next to a bench and tell people not to sit on it.
Brigadier: Oh, that guy? Yeah, I didn't give the order to begin with. I just figured the other guy had a reason for it, so I left it alone.

Now even more confused, the commander makes contact with the general who led the base before him.

Commander: General, sir. I just gained control of Fort Naimheer, and I was wondering why you ordered a man to stand next to a bench and tell people not to sit on it.
General: Huh? Oh, that? It was a standing order. Before my time, you see.
Commander: Figured as much. Do you know who first issued the order?
General: Oh, I believe so. He's retired by now, but I could get you in contact with him.

Finally, the commander makes contact with the veteran, a former commander like himself, who first made the order.

Commander: Hello, sir. Sorry to interrupt your retirement, but I just gained control of Fort Naimheer. Is there a reason why there's a man standing next to a bench and telling people not to sit on it?
Veteran: ...Is the paint still wet?

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[–] mondo_brondo 34 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Poor guy has been carrying out his orders flawlessly for multiple commanders and is still a private. Someone give this guy a promotion.

[–] DontTreadOnBigfoot 9 points 1 year ago

Nah, he's exactly where you want him.

A private is expected to follow orders, and he's shown that ability in spades.

What he has not shown is initiative, which is expected from noncoms.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago

Does he deserve one, though? He hasn't done anything useful, he's just been standing next to a bench.

[–] [email protected] 16 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I've always viewed that joke as a biting criticism of tradition.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Oh, it absolutely is. Tradition for tradition sake leads to so many bad practices.

[–] lemmyAtom 1 points 1 year ago

There's a not entirely implausible chain of events from this private guarding the bench to a post-apocalypse cult centered around that same very bench.