The werewolf I understand entirely. They’re both awkward, horny kids trying to find their place. The century old vampire creeping on a teenager is where it gets weird.
this post was submitted on 30 Sep 2023
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The werewolf "imprints" on Bella's unborn vampire baby later in the series, so fortunately the scales of creepiness end up balanced between Team Edward and Team Jacob.
She didn't know how else to resolve the local wolf/vampire conflict so she could escalate the threat level to the euro trash vampires.
Casually outting yourself as having read the books.
All of them, sadly. Didn't watch the movies though, I can't re-live the trauma.
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What's the problem with that? I would assume most people of tween/teen reading age did in the time they were popular. They were a phenomenon.
Casually outing yourself as hating things teenage girls like.
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He literally falls in love with a god damn fetus
Yeah, this is the part I can't get past. WTF is Edward doing creeping around underage girls all the time?
I always assumed vampires are sort of stuck their age mentally as well, for the most part. They can get more wisdom and knowledge but emotionally and sexually they're whatever age they got turned in. So a 200 year old vampire that got turned at 17 is basically a 17 year old in that way.
Sounds like something a vampire pedo would say.
So where does that leave 2000 year old vampire lolis?
Dead because in twilight the Volturi kill child vampires.
I suppose that's why Twilight never had an anime adaptation.
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Tbf when you're a centuries old vampire, everyone's too young for you
Not particularly. If you’ve ever discussed anything of substance with an amateur colleague in your field, you might find novelty in the fresh perspective or even some minor nostalgia. When they meet, Bella is less than a colleague of life. She is a strangely shaped Labrador, which is fitting in that he grooms the shit out of her.
You could at least stick to young adults and older instead of high schoolers
The original "What we do in the shadows" addressed that pretty well, when protagonist started dating his old crush when she's a 70+ year-old woman and has to apologize for being a bit too old for her.
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Considering Twilight is a basic shojo manga trope--where the most handsome boys in school fall for the very common-looking girl protagonist. When it's reversed it's just a harem trope in Japanese shonen manga...
Goth gf and tomboy gf fighting over vague boy one can self insert into
Corpse and puppy fight over attention of barely described placeholder.
Obligatory oatmeal:
It's been years since I reread this and I still call her "Pants".
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Honestly i dont get it, please explain
Imagine you're a straight horny man and two hot women crave your attention.
Ok… unzips go on
50 shades of twilight
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In 2015, Stephanie Meyer—the author of Twilight—wrote Life and Death: Twilight Reimagined, which is pretty much the same book and the same plot line save for every character* being gender-swapped. For example, Edward Cullen becomes Edythe Cullen, and Bella Swan becomes Beaufort Swan.
Given how openly and incessantly horny people are about 7ft-tall-uwu-step-on-me-please dommy mommy gfs at the moment, there's clearly a not insignificant segment of the male population for which Life and Death could be enjoyed in much the same way Twilight was by that segment's female mirror back in 2005.
* The protagonist's parents are the only exception to this, which according to Meyer is due to how rare male parent custody is after a divorce in the US, especially when the book is set.
i mean, the fact that we never heard about this pretty much shows that it wasn't a success.
contrary to men being known for being horny, they read almost no horny books. erotic literature is like over 90% female readers. don't ask me why, but men just don't like to read their smut the same way women do. so no, i don't think this ever had any chance of succeeding unless it was a movie instead, but how often do movies that are only about women being hot actually succeed anymore?
Alternative theory: teen boys/men would, on the whole, rather be caught dead than reading anything associated with (gasp) girl media. Which the twilight franchise and Stephanie Meyer is.
Once you start paying attention, you realize that the things society hates on most for no real reason is media meant for teenage girls.
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I thought you were trolling. But no. That's a real thing.
What!? Whaaaaat?!?!
We are in 2023 and TIL about this? I was never a fan of the franchise, but considering how the publicity for it was everywhere back then and how everyone seemed to be talking about it- I can't believe this flew under my radar.
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Difference is that it would be pornography, as nature intended, rather than aimed at all ages while middle aged soccer moms masturbate with cucumbers in the mall theater.
Oddly specific, what have you seen?
Horrible things.
US Republicans
I read that whole thing waiting for the assuredly sweet action sequence they were hyping up all the way through the book until the end. All that talking about how the vampires use their powers to fight, like how Edythe can read her opponent's mind and react accordingly, or how Archie can predict fragments of the future and use those to his advantage, or about Jessamine's mysterious military training. Then the entire action sequence happens off screen and Beau just wakes up after it's all resolved.
Also, can we talk about how continuously Eleanor gets shat on in the book? She's introduced as the strongest Cullen, only for each subsequent Cullen family member's introduction to explain why Eleanor actually sucks and is useless. She doesn't even get to be the tallest vampire, despite how much hay is made about her intimidating stature. Look Steph: just include some plot point that involves her hucking a truck at someone at some point during the book and we're good.
But honestly having read it yes I now fully understand why Twilight was as popular as it was (is a popular as it is?).
Well when you put it like that...
Still a better love story than twi.... Wait...
Underworld
This would never happen irl tho because gender norms which is why it would sell out as a movie almost immediately 😂
Also werewolves aren’t real
Hmmm, still wouldn't do it for the majority of the male population. You'll need to make the fighting occur because neither of them wants to be saddled with the pathetic excuse for a craven coward that the 'prophetic hero' turned out to be, and they're being told they have to make the prophecy happen so the world could be saved. Then, over the course of the story, it turns out the werewolf girl has magical properties in her blood that allow the vampire chick to power up and defeat the BBEG. The twist? The powers in the blood only activate when she experiences the bond of human love from the pathetic hero they're now dragging towards destiny, so the two women folk monsters must team up to win the heart of said pathetic hero despite his raging craven fear of them. Obviously there will be a sensual scene of the vampire sucking blood from the werewolf.
Boom. I just wrote the next hollywood flick. Good thing the strike is over.
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I am down for this. I can’t wait to see the backlash.
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