cats

Black cats are the best cats. Welcome to the club!

The best way to stop the cats from destroying furniture is to give them better targets for scratching. Make sure every room has a scratch pad or similar; if you find ones that the cat likes the problem will fix itself.

Don't discourage kneading behavior. Instead, keep blankets around so when the cat homes in on you for a lap and some kneading time you can just put a blanket under him to shield yourself from the claws. Over time he'll grow attached to some of the blankets and be content to just knead those on their own without sitting on you at all.

If you really want to help with these things buy a cat claw trimmer and learn to trim his claws every couple of weeks. Give him treats afterwards so he has a positive association with the process. If he fights it then swaddling him in blankets and just poking each leg out as you trim it helps a LOT. Like with all behaviors, starting this when he's a kitten will normalize it for him and make it way easier down the road.

If he wants to do it, he's going to do it - you just make sure there's somewhere you both agree is fine. Telling him "no" won't work as well as "pick him up and put him in front of a thing that's fine to scratch".

We've got the "activity chair", which is covered in toys and string and bits to climb through and jump off, and it's absolutely scratched to pieces - but no other furniture has a mark on it.

Find a tree branch, varnish, add boards, and wrap with twine. My two demons have never scratched anything else.

over-react to being clawed. they learn not to hurt you that way.

If kneading while happy ("making biscuits") hurts, just keep the tips of the claws trimmed. One of my cats has tiny little needle points for claws and she can't knead without poking right through my clothes and it hurts. Trimmed claws don't hurt.

If claw-attacking you while playing, stop playing and gently pinch the paws sideways (not top and bottom, but pinch the sides) while saying, "NO" in a firm voice. Pinching the sides of the paws like that retracts their claws, which helps them understand exactly what you're correcting. A friend of mine was amazed how gentle my little needle-point claw cat is with her claws while playing, and it's because I trained her this way.

If scratching furniture, provide a variety of many many acceptable things to scratch. Toys, carpet-covered climbing tower, cardboard scratching post, sisal scratching post. And just redirect them. Say NO when you see them scratching furniture and put a good scratching post near them. Praise when they scratch the post.

Now we just need L...

We had a cat named Pixel back in the 90s to 00s too. Does yours walk through walls? In any case, enjoy every moment with him.

Huh. I guess I replied to the wrong thread! I saw another about a cat named Pixel. Weil, enjoy Light anyway!

Don't be too angry with him! But tell him every time that he does something bad.

I'm just constantly telling my cat 'NO!'

Looks like your couch is a nice scratch post.

I suggest you put at least one tall scratch post under the corner foot of the couch to enforce scratching the post and not the couch.

There's kneading and there's scratching. Handle them differently.

If he's scratching, he's usually standing and stretching around the same time. They need to do this, but you can redirect it to someplace that's ok for them to scratch.

Quite often you can do this by placing a scratch post near the place they're nuisance scratching. Something carpeted works well, but I really like the cardboard ones. It looks like a board of cardboard glued together, with a waffle-ish pattern they can really dig into. Another nice thing about cardboard is its nothing like furniture or carpeting, so less likely to confuse the cat about what he's allowed to scratch.

Kneading is more of an expression of comfort and love. You should nurture this, because it's adorable and they will do it less intensely as they grow up. If they're kneading they're often purring and rhythmically kneading dough.

In both cases, you should be trimming his claws regularly. If you do it calmly and gently from an early age, this should be trivial. I have 2 cats and trim their claws every couple of weeks. It takes about 30 seconds per cat.

This does require confidence on your part (cats smell your hesitation and stuff body language and hate it), and it requires your cat to trust you enough to let you handle his paws.

Look up a handful of guides and videos online on the technique. Jackson Galaxy is a popular YouTuber that probably has some content on this.

My mom has a semi-feral cat who simply will not tolerate her claws being trimmed. As a result she's a nightmare - damaged furniture, accidental scratches, and she's constantly getting caught on fabric. Don't let that happen!

Looks like you already have all the direction you need on good tongue-game!