UKCasual

He's 18. He's not a kid, and he's perfectly capable of putting bins out. I have no idea what dig money is but if he's being given it (or getting to keep it? idk) for constantly "forgetting" his responsibilities then he's not exactly got motivation to start "remembering" has he?

I think it's more than fair to say if he's earning and living with you, he should be paying (even on top of the chores). £100/mo is more than fair on £900 earnings, I'd even go so far as to say £50/week is reasonable given the prices right now.

As for forgetting the chores, if he's anything like I was at that age, I'd imagine he doesn't care enough about the negative concequences of forgetting to do the chore to care about remembering, which is a hard thing to beat. It's unlikely he understands the importance of doing chores, which will obviously create problems for others in the years to come as he moves into houseshares with others.

The best solution I can think of is a two-pronged approach: speak to him and explain you'd like for him to be more responsible since he'll be forced to be responsible for himself when he moves out. Second, start charging for keep too, but offer a return on rent if he remembers to put the bins out by a certain time (one that isn't too late for you, since you will be the one that will be doing the job by default). Another idea I've seen, if you feel guilty taking more money than you need from him, is to keep aside some or all of it as savings for him, to give to him when he moves out to allow for him to pay his deposit and for anything he needs to buy when he moves in to his new place.

Mostly unrelated but anyone with that many kids must be a bit insane.

On the money thing, I've always liked the idea that I take some of the adult kids money and store it away for them for when they move out.

My kids are far too young for that, but I don't think a bit of that sort of thing hurts in the long run. He's earning significantly more than I was at his age and he's not paying much at all; I'd give £150 a month to live at home 15 years ago, and I never saw any of it back.

Charge him board. It'll benefit him in the long run, especially if you fence off some of that money to give him later.

I'd say £200 a month with a £50 a week discount every week he puts the bins out in a timely manner without being asked.

Gice him the 'real' renting and charge 27% of his salary, 49% if you're in/near London. Add 1/7 of your gas/elec/phone bill and you're there!

Why don't you give him other responsibilities, like cleaning the floor, dishwasher duty, etc. Something that wouldn't stress you out if he doesn't do it.

And if he doesn't do that one, no money. That was the agreement right?

I don't live at home, but my parents charge my adult siblings a share of all household expenses. So they pay their share of electricity etc.

They call it rent, but they forget there's no actual rent component, it's just shared living costs.

If he's having this much trouble with simple tasks, it might be an idea to ask his GP if he might have ADHD. They'll at least know enough to see if it's worth getting tested.

He's old enough to be on his own, and almost to that point in his life. You've given him a considerable opportunity to get ahead in life and he doesn't recognize it because he's never had it anything but good.

Think about it this way, he's about to move out and probably get roommates. If he was in charge of that task for the household where he has roommates and then he causes them hardship every week, what do you think would happen? A good number of people would tell him he needs to move out and find somewhere else to live. You're not being unreasonable in your expectations of him. If you want to play hardball, tell him he needs to move out if he can't commit 6 minutes per week to help his entire family. You're giving him tons of help and it's wrong that he's just taking that and giving nothing in return.

If you're not going to play hardball (which is probably best) and he can't take care of the responsibility then he needs to pay someone else to do it. You don't want to do it. Right? Tell him to find a reliable business that offers that service and hire them. When he sees the financial cost of his laziness, he might decide he really needs to do it. The whole job takes like 3 minutes, twice a week, so it's preposterous that it's even an issue.

I liked another idea that another poster had of charging him $50 per week and then reducing his rent by that much if he does the job. But then you're still in the situation where you have to babysit him every week or he causes you hardship. These are the types of arrangements you make with 12 year olds, not 18 year olds. So make him pay someone else to do it.

The best solution is probably to just give him other jobs instead of this one. Make him mop the floors, or clean the bathroom, or something that doesn't cause everyone problems if he's a day late. He'll probably be wishing for the glory days of trash duty when he's scrubbing a toilet.

My kids are far younger, but we've already started making them pitch in. My eldest is 12 and lazy as fuck. We struggled with him a bit.

What it took was for him to see his Mum struggling (she has a debilitating and lifelong condition) to the point she broke down and cried about how hard it all is.

And now he helps out. Not much, but it's a start.

So my suggestion is, show him you're Human instead of a parent, break down and go spare with him about it a bit. Then get the opposite parent to go and have a quiet word about how much it's upsetting the other one.

We try to be good parents so much that we forget to show our kids that we are humans. I work, parent and clean and it's tiring but that's life. If he's just working and wanking, that's not being an adult.