### We are moving! **Join us in our new journey as we take a new direction towards the future for this community at mbin, find our new community here and read this post to know more about why we are moving. Thank you and we hope to see you there!**
As a Brit who looks eastern Asian…
“Where are you from?” And when I tell them, the follow up: “Okay, but where are you really from?”
They’re asking my heritage, but it comes off as really presumptuous; as if I couldn’t have possibly been born and raised in this country.
That's when you pause for a beat, looking them straight in the eye, then repeat yourself exactly identically but slightly slower.
I’ve definitely done this before. They get angry at you. It would be funny if I wasn’t so tired of repeating myself.
"Are you having kids?"
No and it's none of your business either.
My favourite response I’ve seen to this was: “When I can find one that isn’t being watched.”
I feel you. I hate that question. I'm over 50, don't have kids and the reasons are only mine. And my wife's.
"How are you?"
I'm fine, or any slight variation of that, because the question is fucking meaningless and you don't want a real answer.
This is a very USA thing, I find. I've met people from other developed western nations and they don't ask that, it's usually an American thing.
Here it's typically lighter fare, like, "have you eaten" if it's near a meal time, or just a simple hello.
Came to write this, here when we ask how you are, we're mentally prepared to hear a tirade.
and you don’t want a real answer.
The store clerk doesn't want a real answer.
The bartender doesn't mind.
Your friend might very much want a real answer.
Your partner does, I hope.
Your therapist definitely does; it's their job.
"How are you?" (and minor variations) specifically is a formulaic etiquette ritual with no good answers that don't make me grind my teeth. I don't mean any question about my welfare.
Ooo, send them to me. I'll fix 'em. I'll tell them every detail of what's got me fucked up latelish, every day, until they learn to stop asking.
If you don't want the most accurate answer I can come up with on a scale from "Kinda meh I guess" to detailed description of the last several things to really screw up my mood then do not ask me how I am 😅 No one's ever going to do anything with this information, but I almost can't help but answer basically whatever I'm asked. Maybe it's a deep-seated drive to yap about myself at every opportunity.
doesn't look up at that paragraph Nah, I wouldn't do that...
Where are you from?
Then being fixated to all the stereotypes or news stories the person may have in their head while they barely know who I am.
"What's your name?"
Are you a wizard? Are to trying to summon and bind me?
"How was your day?"
Dude, that was so long ago, how could it be important now? It's already over.
"What do you want for dinner?"
While for a while I just always said "fajitas", this one is a thorny one. I am psychologically incapable of separating the question "what do you want to eat?" from "what do you want to cook?" and thus my reply will either be rooted in anxiety or exhaustion.
Why doesn't anyone ever ask the interesting questions, like "What's your opinion of the designated hitter rule?" or "Which has done more harm to human ethical progress, dualism or tribalism?"
What is your opinion of the designated hitter rule?
"What's your opinion of the designated hitter rule?"
Ugh! This one has been so hashed to death it's already cliché. Just ask me what I want for dinner next time.
“Why don’t you just…?” And it be the most obvious alternative or solution OR fundamentally at odds with me as a person.
Example: I did not choose or want to breast feed.
“Why don’t you breast feed, blah blah blah unwanted and unnecessary advice.” Multiple times. I guess these types of questions are intended to give the asker some sort of downward social reference.