Transfem

the title of your post displays a serious issue that isnt given enough attention. the amount of discourse and controversy about trans people in politics and media leads to many trans people feeling like their existence, or their decision to transition, is a political one. it is not. there is nothing political about you or how you live your life. you dont have to appease anyone. dont let them force you into detransitioning. just be yourself, take care of yourself, and live as the person you want to be.

also, please stop looking at trans discourse in media because clearly it has affected you very negatively. do yourself a favor and cut off the negativity. get yourself a safe space, whether that be here, somewhere else online, or irl, and dont try to confront the negativity. its not worth your time

You're f*cking human like everyone else. Real talk - most people don't pay attention to other people half as much as you think. Imagine your last trip out to the grocery store - do you remember what everyone wore that walked past you? Of course not. You're more self-conscious of your looks than anyone else.

Who the hell cares if you "pass" or not in your mind. Stop doubting yourself and be who you want to be.

It takes massive courage to step up to society and say "this is who I am." - so many people in society can't. You're a bad-a$$ for being brave enough to take that leap. Why stop now? People like myself admire you for being yourself. Rock it!

Please stop beating yourself up - I know society wants you to doubt yourself but stop.

You don’t owe anyone anything as a trans person. I disagree with the notion that you’re ugly, and I disagree with the notion that you look masculine, but even if you did, the goal of the trans movement isn’t “if you let us be trans then we’ll look perfect and fit exactly into the gender boxes that society expects us to!” The goal of the trans movement is to let people be happy and accepted as whoever they are, whatever way they present. Trans women can be beefy and hairy and fat just as much as they can be petite and curvy, and both are important. Transition is a process, and it’s often a long, hard process, and the goal isn’t just to normalize the idea of transitioning but the reality of it, where people of any gender can look like anything and they might even decide they’re happy to keep looking like that for the rest of their lives. Every person who dares to live and be trans and be proud of it is helping other trans people, regardless of how they look and whether or not they pass. If you want to help, talk to other trans people, organize, be kind and compassionate, don’t just give up because you think your very existence is hurting others. Sky, you’re worth more than you think you are, and you aren’t hurting anyone by being yourself.

You look like a woman to me. I was a bit surprised at how hard you are on yourself. We only have so much control over how we look. I am a CIS male and I wish I looked different too. I think we should change what we can to make the best version of ourselves and then make peace with it.

You pass just fine in this photo. I would also suggest getting a new pair of glasses that suits your face a bit better- that will make a HUGE difference.

You are experiencing dysphoria and you're having trouble seeing yourself. I know that feeling.

If you have a therapist, talk to them about it. If you don't, and you have insurance or money, see one.

You look like my algebra teacher from high school, but younger. Sorry you're not, like, Scarlett Johansen (or whoever else the reader may find attractive) looking, but you still look like a woman.

Just a random cis-hetero dude scrolling through /all, but I think you totally pass. body dysphoria is a hell of a drug, even for cis folk. And it's hard as hell to take a photo of yourself that looks good. I've never succeeded in 3 decades. Sending love.

Girl, you look a helluva lot more passing than I do. I had a realization about myself though. Covering my shaved arms and legs made me see him in the mirror. I think it's putting the illusion in my head about how hairy I am, or something. Idk, a cute unicorn onesie just gave me dysphoria cuz my arms were covered. I'm no psychiatrist.

Maybe try changing up your wardrobe. Instead of trying to pass as your trans goals, or something like that, try just something as simple as tank tops and leggings. It's working for me right now. And maybe stop looking at mirrors and selfies. I need to cut back too, and just listen to my kids.

I look at you and see a person. A person who doesn't deserve the critical words that you're writing about yourself. I don't feel comfortable as a cis man coming into this space and telling someone whether they pass so I won't (that doesn't mean I don't think you do!). But the only person who defines who you are is you.

Are you transitioning so that the republicans might be right about something? Therapy, medications, all sorts of thoughts and emotions, changing your body... I didn't think so. Anyone who assumes as much by simply looking at you isn't worth my time, and I hope they're not worth yours either.

Remember, everyone only has so much control over their own appearance, it only represents what's inside as much as it will let us. The rest has to be made up for by acceptance. You're so not alone there.

Look around at these comments... You have people from all over the internet telling you directly or indirectly the same thing. Be who you are. For yourself. Or you'll never be happy.

Unironically I thought "why are random women who look like they teach second grade posting on c/amiugly?" I only realized this was a trans sub after I finished reading the title. I just saw this on the all feed lol. I wouldn't say you look younger than 35 tbh but I also definitely think you look like a woman.

Hey all, I am really sorry for freaking out yesterday. Thank you all for being so supportive however! Love ya all

Transitioning isn’t about passing, it’s about helping you to be comfortable with who you are. If changing your body and appearance isn’t working for you, then it’s time to look into other forms of therapy. Seeking validation or confirmation of negative feelings online won’t provide what you need, even in gender affirming communities.

I would suggest talking to a therapist if you can find/afford one. There are therapists who specialize in trans issues and are willing to assist those who cannot afford it. I don’t have better info on that because I have never needed it, but I have heard that they exist.

I wish the best for you and hope you can find a way to feel comfortable with yourself.

I hope you're not doing anything about the way you look to please anyone else. I'm an old CIS straight guy, but it seems to me that the point of transitioning is to be who you are. Obviously that includes your gender, but isn't it broader than that? Isn't it also about being unapologetically you, with everything that includes?

I'm sorry that your physical appearance is causing you grief; it's clear from the other replies here that other people don't see you the same way you see yourself. But you know what? It doesn't matter. Everyone deserves the opportunity to be loved. That doesn't change whether you look like a model or not - most of us don't.

I hope you get to the point where you can just love yourself and who you are, and not worry so much whether it's acceptable to anyone else. I'm sure transition must be hard; hang in there.

I mean you look pretty feminine to me

I know others have already commented and your feelings are absolutely valid, but one thing I wanted to mention that as queer people, even if you looked like the spitting image of Marilyn Monroe or even (ugh) Caitlyn Jenner, you won't erase the fact that you're queer. I'd say to maybe find more solace in your queer identity rather than trying to fit into what a trans woman "should" look like.

Also you are directly fucking over liberals and republicans just by existing. That's something only us trans queers can do and there's nothing we can do about it :3

Let me start by saying your insecurities are completely normal and something all women go through whether they were born a woman or not. Society puts forward a standard of beauty that is literally impossible to achieve naturally. Women come in all shapes and looks and you and they should not feel pressured to have to please others with how you look, and also, you don't look bad.

It's also perfectly fine to want to look better for yourself, and you are 100% capable of doing that and looking more feminine. You can mold your eyebrows, do your hair, learn makeup. Look up makeup tutorials online and see how insane of a transformation they can achieve, both men and women. Even if you decide you don't care about changing your look, it's a very valuable reminder that most people's outward appearances are not natural.

Again, you should not feel pressured to do any of that, but you should also not feel like you cannot learn to have more control over how you look if you choose to. I don't want to pretend that personal appearance has no impact on your personal confidence but I also don't want to pressure you to feel like you need to do a bunch of things either, so I don't want to be like do this and that to conform to a societal beauty standard, but I do want to say that there is nothing intently wrong with how you look that would prevent you from doing so.

I know nothing about this subject as I'm not personally acquainted with anyone that has to go through it but, as a woman that struggled with weight well through adulthood, to me you look and sound like a woman who's self conscious about her weight.

There's billions of us out there. What worked for me was just try to stop thinking of myself through other people's eyes and restraint myself for the sake of my health.

I was 30 when a doctor said, if you don't stop overeating now, being fat will be your defining characteristic. That opened my eyes, but still today at 40 and with a healthy weight, looking at sweets and pastries is still an internal struggle, a dialog I have with myself over and over. I suspect it's going to be one for the rest of my life.

Sorry my comment went on a tangent, but to be honest the being a woman part of your post seemed less important, since it's clearly just what your are.

You just look like a woman to me. If I were to see you while walking down the street I don't think you bring trans would honestly even cross my mind. It can be hard to see yourself as others see you, but from an impartial observer, you look fine 💙

most importantly lose chin weight. lose weight and do your hair the proper way for curly hair (conditioner etc scrunching after baths) (look it up on youtube) and stop having that autistic stare in pictures.

If you are worried about safety you could try moving to a more trans friendly town/state/country. But I'd be surprised if you feel happier after detransitioning. Everyone goes through dark times, you just have to push through and concentrate on sculpting your life to match your requirements.

Your problems atm ate largely to do with other people, who are shits. Ignore them. Try not to surround yourself with idiots.

There's genuinely nothing wrong with the way you look. If I saw you out and about, I would just make the assumption that you're female.