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I have a nearly 4 year old neutered female cat. I have been thinking about adopting another cat, but I fear they won't get along. Current cat is not really social, rarely likes being touched, instead requires attention: playtime, being near (but far enough), etc.
What are your experiences with second cats? Are there age / gender combinations which are the safest?
Edit: thanks for all the replies! Forgot to mention that she is an indoor cat.
I think it totally depends on your cat. If my cat were more of a loner/not glued to my hip, I think I would’ve gotten her another cat to hang with. But she and I are really bonded and I feel like it’s hurt her feelings if I got her another cat. I’ve brought home a few fosters or had visitors and she’s never been thrilled. She’s also partially paralyzed after a stroke and has incontinence issues. I don’t think I could handle another cat myself.
All depends on your situation. Sounds like you might be feeling like it’s something missing from your cats life if you’re thinking about it.
Never.
Now
My wife and I have four
I had one lone male and got him a friend around age 3. The new kitty wanted to be friends, but he wouldn't accept him until we moved to a new apartment and neither of them had a claim on the territory. Then they started sleeping together.
Later, I adopted two kittens and at age 1.5 one of them got sick and died, basically like cancer but not actually cancer the vet told me. I got another kitten soon after because the survivor was in crisis and was very needy, she knew what had happened. It took some time for her to accept the kitten, but then she basically raised her. They sleep together and chase and play, but also occasionally squabble the way siblings might.
I don't know what more to suggest. These are the experiences I've had. I hope you're able to glean something useful from them. Ask your vet for tips, too.
I can't imagine owning only 1 cat. They would get so bored! My 3 boys love playing and snoozing together. They keep each other mentally stimulated.
Cat tax:
Are they siblings? I've had cats my entire life and it seems that they only ever get along well if they've grown up with each other. Adding a new cat hasn't typically worked out great.
My tortie forcibly made my void her friend. It's the only cat he allows to sleep with him out of the 3 others. Not because he wants it, but because she doesn't understand that no means no.
She would go and try to get in his catbed, he would bite her. She would get out only to try another angle, get bitten, try again, until he just gave up and let her in.
Now he doesn't fight back for his personal space anymore.
Not siblings, but they are related through the same breeder. Casper is 4 years old, Mocha is only 9 months. I've had Cornish Rex since about 2001, with new additions as previous ones passed away. We never really had any problems after the first 2-3 week introduction period.
A few years ago, I found myself wondering if my cat wanted a buddy, so I signed up with the local shelter to foster, figuring if it didn't work out, I'd have an easy "out" to find the new cat another home. I actually wound up fostering a few litters of kittens before adopting a second cat, and have also continued fostering.
If you decide to adopt or foster, be prepared for the first few weeks to be challenging. Read up on Jackson Galaxy's guide to cat introductions, and move slowly from step to step. The guide is in 5 parts, here's part 1: https://www.jacksongalaxy.com/blogs/news/cat-introductions-part-1-before-the-introduction
Some cats accept new cats within days, others may take weeks or longer. My oldest is always super pissed off for the first few days, but we usually reach "Eat, Play, Love" around 2 weeks.
I added a second one and had a lot of trouble. Years for them to coexist relatively peacefully. I also recommend people foster to ensure it’s a fit before committing, it can be difficult if they don’t get along.
Despite many commenters saying cats are not social, in reality cats were proven to socialize a lot. It is also true that they're territorial and that can matter more if they're not neutred (I recomend spaying all your cats for many reasons).
Your cat can benefit a lot from the presence of a fellow feline. If you decide to get a second one, you should be prepared for a transitional period of helping the cats to get used to each other. As someone else described already, it's good to separate them first and let them get to know each other in phases. It's good to have enough hiding places for them and safe corridors.
You will also need to give both cats more attention in the beginning and even after they start to befriend each other and play, it's good to check whether they don't attack each other too one-sidedly or just generaly too much - in that case you need to play with them more yourself.
In my experience it's really worth it, 2 cats > 1 cat.
Oh, I forgot to add: your kitty is a beauty!
Any time you have one cat. Cats are better in pairs.
We usually adopt adult cats in need of a home, but our last adoption was 2 kitten brothers, and they have a special bond that the other cats don't. It's adorable, they still play together a lot even as young adults. We've always had at least 2, so no one is ever left alone when we are not here.
So one of the important things to remember is a cat does not require social contact with other cats to be happy and healthy.
Another is the time it takes to get them accustomed to one another: it involves keeping the new cat in a seperate room, and allowing them to smell each other through the door without seeing each other. Gradually you increase contact, every 1-2 weeks, and then swap the new cat into another room, so current cat can smell the original properly. Feliway Friends can help with this, as it's a synthetic Appeasement pheromone (the one cats release when they headbutt their siblings and mother). Feliway Friends is best used before adopting the new cat and during the entire time they are getting accustomed.
It's important to remember that your current cat may not ever warm up to the new cat. As she has been a single cat household this whole time, she may not ever be comfortable. Not saying it can't happen, I had four cats at once (many years ago) and while they weren't 'friends', they didn't fight or anything.
Your current cat may just see you as her family, and therefore would not take kindly to another cat encroaching on her 'territory'. You would also need seperate food and water bowls, and litter trays, for each so as to limit resource guarding and aggression.
I've wanted a second cat, but I also know my current cat just isn't into other cats. He loves people, but really doesn't care for other cats. So for me, it isn't a good idea to stress him out by introducing another cat into his territory.
As I said, don't take this as a 'dont ever get a second cat!" But more as a 'these are things to consider before doing so'. :)
Apologies for the text wall, and there are always exceptions! There are cats who love being around other cats, so it's hard to know truly how your puss would react! I'm just really passionate about cats and cat behaviour and science, so just imparting what I know :)
Edit: I will add, that generally female cats form bonds with other female cats easier, than males! Males are generally kicked out of the bevy when they reach sexual maturity (herd of cats), and if resources are plentiful the females will stick together. So it may work out for your cat if you adopt a female kitten (spayed ofc! Spayed cats are healthier in general!!!)
Not OP but I wanted to thank you for the quality of your comment. It's insightful, seems comprehensive and pragmatic.
We are lucky to have knowledgeable lemmynautes sharing what looks like very good advice on this topic.
I'm also considering taking a second indoor cat so I'm grateful I could read a detailed and well thought out post on this.
I personally have a female cat but I feel a bit bad she could feel lonely or "bored" during my absence when I'm at work. I'm probably projecting human feeling on my cat but I still think she would appreciate a cat friend to play with when I can't do so. Also my cat has always been very scared of humans (except me that she completely feels safe with). Which means that essentially she will hide for hours if any other human being visits me. My probably naive idea was that she would gain trust when she sees another cat much less afraid of humans and accept the fact that most humans are not a threat. Obviously this is not the main reason that motivates me to get another cat. But it will certainly be more comfortable for my cat to feel less threaten by any human visiting my place. And as a bonus I would also get another furry friend :)
I will continue to ponder that decision for a few months anyway but I'm really appreciative of your comment and the great insights on a complicated question.
No worries at all! I've always been a cat person, from when I was a kid to my now early 30s, so it's something I'm very passionate about haha!
I'm also doing my Cert III in Animal Care Services, looking to move into either Vet Nursing or Animal Tech, so it's also in part due to my coursework lol!
It is hard when one has a single cat, and we have to go to work; we always worry whether they're sad or upset with us. But also, it's important to look at it from a cat behaviour perspective: many many single cats are perfectly content being alone as they often sleep during the day anyway. They're crepuscular, so they're more active during dawn and dusk (for hunting/predation purposes), and are less 'domesticated' than dogs. Ancient humans relied on dogs to help with hunting and companionship, so they have been bred over thousands of years to meet those specific needs. Cats, while we have had them around us since the Fertile Crescent, haven't been bred as much for specific needs, because their natural behaviour was enough to keep mice and rats away from our food storage and silos!
Cats love human companionship however, just in their own natural way! They enjoy the benefits of scritches and a warm lap, never having to worry about food, we take care of their health and development - so they live longer and happier lives with us. It also helps to look into how a cat expresses love for us, as it is very different to dogs! Cats will slow blink at you to tell you "I love you and trust you" and you can do the same to them! They will often seek out your company, just happy to be in the same room, on your desk, all up in your hobbies (sewing is chaos!) because they love you and trust you! They will sit on your lap or in contact with you because consensual touch is their way of saying "this human is awesome and is mine and I love them". Rubbing their face on you, or their bum on you, is then marking you as theirs, as part of their family.
Jackson Galaxy and The Kitten Lady on YT have so many great videos on cat behaviour, advising how to interpret those behaviours so as to better understand them. Highly recommend those for more in depth information!
It's human nature to wonder if our cats are lonely when we're not there, but honestly, the vast majority of the time the cats are happy being a single cat! They see you as their family, their bevy (herd), as their provider and source of comfort. Introducing a new cat can work out for sure, but often it just causes distress because a new cat is encroaching on their territory; territory and ownership is important for cats.
So do research more, don't just take this students word for any of this. There are always exceptions and many success stories! I'd never ever say "don't introduce new cats to an established cat!" But only to do research and come up with a plan on how you're going to do the introductions!
And of course, female cats are just better at accepting other female cats and male/female kittens! Male cats are generally more solitary, and often happiest when their humans are their own :)
Regarding cats being afraid of other humans (like your friends/family visiting), that's pretty normal and standard tbh. They know and love you, but don't know who those other humans are. A good way to help your cat in those circumstances is to find out what it values (as in, is your cat extremely food-motivated or play-motivated) and have the new human attempt interaction using that. So give the new human either the cats fav toy or high-value treat, and attempt to call the cat over. It also helps to stand sideways to the cat, as that is way less threatening, or sideways crouched. It can take time, but with patience and consistency, your cat may see that new human as not a threat but a source of treats and play!
There are already some super valuable comments on here, and I'm half commenting as a way to save this thread for myself for later.
I wanted to say that for adopting a kitten, the current recommendation is to adopt two kittens to avoid "single kitten syndrome" (aka an unruly/loud/needy cat.)
Which was not something I knew of ~12 years ago when I got my single cat as a kitten. And she is very needy and very loud (less annoying in older age but still.)
However, I haven't adopted a second cat to be her friend because we also now have a high energy dog and another new animal would just be too much for us.
When it's time for our next cat, my plan is to go to the shelter and sit down in the cat room and take home whoever curls up in my lap first (current kitty prefers "proximity snuggles" to true snuggling.) So probably adopting an older cat rather than a kitten. And probably also sticking with just one unless the shelter says the kitty has bonded with a friend (and adopting a bonded pair would be amazing.)
But if we ever get kittens again, I'll definitely get two. Better off letting them terrorize each other in the middle of the night rather than me 😁
Cats are territorial. You are relying on just luck that they will get along. You're much better off not trying. Your cat doesn't want a friend.
Four "add another cat" stories for you:
My oldest had a cat and decided to get another cat after quite some time. However, the first cat had already established the entire house as her territory. They followed all the recommendations to try to introduce a second cat, but it made no difference. Now they can't bring themselves to give up cat #2, so they have divided their home up to keep the cats separated.
My second child and his fiancee had one cat. They decided to add two more. Their cats fought. When they tried to keep the new cats in a room and introduce them gradually, their old cat was so violently opposed to their presence that it tore apart the carpet under the door trying to g et at them. However, they ended up moving. Once in the new apartment, all three cats stopped fighting.
Many years ago, a co-worker agreed to take a third cat. There was no fighting between the cats, but one of her cats was not happy. He started peeing on every surface he could get to. If you think the cat wasn't doing it intentionally, he straddled her toaster so he could pee into it. Cats know how to communicate their displeasure. By the time she was able to re-home the new cat, the damage was done. Apart from the small appliances she had to replace, she had to rip up the floor in her house and replace it to get rid of the smell of cat pee.
My wife and I added a second cat years ago, but we did it at the same time we moved into our house. There were some fights between them, but they were just because of their personality differences. The new cat was young and wanted to play, while the older cat had reached the stage of life where he wanted to see how much fat he could gain. She would attack him and chase him around and that would piss him off, but they usually got along and he got in better shape. When she got too obnoxious for him, he would chase her under the TV, and make her stay there in time-out.
So, based on my experience, the only time you can safely add a cat to your home is when you move.
As soon as you know that the first cat will only stay within the apartment, it is best to have two and make sure that they understand each other and do not fight.
But of course it is never too late. Above all, you should be able to reach the previous owner at any time. That you can return the second one at any time if they don't get along. The back and forth may be stressful for a short time, but it's better if they don't get along. Since you have a cat, I would also tend towards a tomcat (they like to cuddle more than cats) but sterilize if you don't want any offspring.
Edit: btw with returning i talk about 1-~15 days
We have three cats, all adopted separately.
We started with one, then when he was older, we adopted a kitten. The two never really got along, but the older cat passed away a few months later - had we known how sick he was, we probably would have waited on the kitten. (He seemed fine, but we later realized that cancer had already started.)
We adopted another cat pretty quickly after the older one passed, because we didn't want the kitten to get used to being alone. A few years later we adopted a third cat, hoping the second two would get along and play with each other.
The "kitten" passed away several years later and we adopted another kitten who is still with us.
Our cats have never been best friends, they don't cuddle together or anything like that. It's more of a tolerate situation. They do get irritated with each other from time to time, but it seems pretty even as to who is instigating it.
They've never drawn blood or even had a major fight. They just kind of wrestle or chase each other, and sometimes I wonder if they are just playing.
I do think that a cat that is used to being alone is usually going to have a tougher time with a new cat.
(We' re taking one of the older cats to the vet today. I recently realized he's lost almost 2 lbs since last summer, and he's being very active for an 11+ year old cat, so we're wondering about his thyroid. The other old cat needs an asthma inhaler and steroid every night for his conditions. Like the vet said, as they get older, they start collecting health issues.)