sorry that many users are such waste disposal units on lemmy π I feel like I can't do much alone but I concur that our mods should be acting against harassing you for your identity. the unpredictable nature of getting weird bigoted replies to just regular nice people makes me anxious about posting much - like I never know what to expect. I'm hoping a better community can grow here.
this post was submitted on 20 Jan 2025
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This is what drag thinks. The transphobic people complaining about drag's gender are the ones making the space unsafe for other trans people. Drag is just existing and they could easily choose peace. They decide to make trans people afraid to exist, and they'd be doing it with some other "weird" person if it wasn't drag. Thank you. Drag didn't mean to imply you're trans if you aren't, drag thinks this pattern applies to any minority identity.
yeah every single time I see u I also see either removed comments or people being assholes to your identity :/ I was surprised how well u handled it and that u were still around and Im not surprised at all that u need to vent
like someone else said maybe not using lemmy is the best option (or changing the way u use it and just blocking people instead of interacting with them?) its clearly doing u a disservice, do u have other places like chat groups or whateves where u know people dont attack u?
Drag keeps coming back to this comment. You were surprised drag could stay calm in the face of all that hate. Thank you. Drag feels seen. It was so hard and drag tried so much.
Ure welcome! :3 have a virtual hug π«
Drag uses Lemmy to dissociate and keep the traumatic thoughts away. Don't want to go without that. Drag has friends online but they aren't always available. They need to sleep and do their own things a lot of the time. Drag wishes there were better places on the internet, but it doesn't seem like there are. It would be the same on Xitter, Reddit, Facebook. Mastodon and Tumblr are boring and don't help drag zone out. Drag has never tried Tiktok and after the last few days, never will.
Thank you for the kindness. Drag wishes that people who harass and misgender would be stopped, either by the community or by the people in charge. But that doesn't happen. The more drag defends dragself, the worse it gets.
How do normal people look at these screenshots and see brave heroes showing the evil trans person what for?? The votes say that's what's happening. That knowledge is worse than any other part of it.
yeah I always see people on lemmy being EXTREMELY quick at calling anyone a troll, I specially see people being accused of being alts literally every time I look at a post outside blahaj X3
The more drag defends dragself, the worse it gets.
honestly if it was me I think Id at first defend myself but eventually get tired and just ignore and block these people on sight, if the reason I use lemmy is just to have fun anyway
but Im not in ur situation so idk if there r any issues on that plan, just keep in mind that some people r just unwilling to learn new things and theres not much that u can do against that without letting it hurt u
Seeing harassment causes an immediate physical reaction. But knowing there are people out there spreading their harassment campaign and drag can't see them and nothing is getting better... That's an existential dread. That's what makes it feel like life isn't worth living. Drag unfortunately has object permanence and would know it's out there if drag blocked it.
Drag blocked the transphobe in this screenshot, and that gave a respite. But drag will only be able to feel safe when drag has unblocked them and can see what horrible stuff they're saying to everyone else. The unknown is terrifying.
oh yeh I know that, but sadly thats something we need to live with and try to not let it affect us :/ Ive had that feeling in many different communities and in life in general and Im always anxious when joining a new community but at the end of the day the world is full of awesome people and horrible people and everything in between and its better to not think about the horrible people, its very hard to ignore but it makes life a lot easier
progress is slow and sometimes it looks like it takes a few steps back but at the end of the day things always get better and better with time, that is of course cuz theres people constantly fighting for that progress to happen but part of the fight is knowing when its better to just focus on urself π«Ά
I bet u already know all that but just wanted to give some positivity to someone that needs it :3
Answer: I understand your pain, but also no one on Lemmy is qualified to help you in any way. Get off the internet. When using Lemmy is not serving you, dont come back to Lemmy expecting it to suddenly serve you.
The admins of lemmy.world and the mods of the community where it happened are qualified to help. All they have to do is press a button and the harassment goes away. And that's exactly what they're expected to do.
Isnβt this a meme community?
196 has always been an "anything goes" community, its just that those tend to be mostly shitposts X3
Ahh. Fair enough! Thanks!
Seek help.
Okay please help. Drag wants help
The best thing you can do is find a therapist that specializes with genderqueer people. Also, get a good psychiatrist and start finding the medicine that works for you. Find professionals who value your opinion and give them a good idea of your symptoms.
If you can't afford healthcare, find see if there are any local lower-income therapists, or look for free resources through the internet like a "self-harm hotline". Look for lgbtq groups, preferably local but online is good too. Build a safety social safety net.
Please stay safe! I maybe a random person, but to me you are my internet neighbor. I like to see my neighbors in good health.
Drag has a therapist and she's wonderful and drag doesn't even have to pay to see her. She helps a lot every time drag sees her. But she can't make harassment or misgendering go away. She can help drag deal with it. She can help drag not self harm about it. But she can't take the pain away. A therapist can heal you, but they can't protect you. That's two different things. That's like expecting a surgeon to make it so you didn't get stabbed with a knife in an alley. You're still stabbed and still in pain. A surgeon just makes it so you won't die from the stabbing. A therapist is the same. Drag's therapist is making sure drag doesn't die from the harassment, not erasing it. But drag would really like to be protected from it so that drag doesn't have to go through all this pain.
My comment advice was just what has personal helped me deal with SH ideations. I don't know a way to stop bigotry. It hurts to be invalidated and othered. I recommend building a stronger emotional buffer, do things that bring you satisfaction. I wouldn't be able to deal with existing if it wasn't for my hobbies. I have terrible self-esteem, so i find that doing things that make me feel intelligent, or self-confident, decrease the risk of getting super drained and SHing.
Drag has a frustration, even here in this community, with how problems get medicalised. A person is misgendered and harassed, and everyone says "get help", and they clearly mean "see a doctor", as if doctors are the only kind of help that exists. Everyone wants to talk about therapy and counselling.
It's... gross. If someone is attacked, the problem isn't their reaction. Being a victim of online violence isn't a disease. It doesn't mean something is wrong with the victim. The problem is with the one doing the harassing. But all anyone can talk about is what the victim should do. Not what the attacker should do. That's not right.
Drag told drag's friends about this thread and they didn't like it any more than drag did.
Recommending medical help is good and does have its place. But drag hates when it's used as a thought-terminating cliche. "We told the hurt person to go see a doctor. Welp, that's everything that can be done. This conversation is over now. The therapist will magic away all the pain and we can ignore it now."
We aren't qualified or capable of helping you, as we are lemmy users, not people with the training and distance necessary to properly serve you. Us trying to address self harm issues would be doing a disservice. I suggest you contact a crisis hotline right now, and in the long term, seek professional help wherever you live. I'm sorry if this isn't what you want to hear, but that's all we can give.
If you live in the US, you can call 988 or text HOME to 741741 to reach national crisis hotlines. The Trevor Project can be reached by texting START to 678678, or by calling 1-866-488-7386. You can even message them online through their website.
Online interaction cannot replace live interaction. Although it's scary and difficult, there isn't another way. It's an easy trap that all types are vulnerable to. Seek to build relationships in the real world. Everyone can find others to love them.
Don't try to medicalise harassment. Cyberbullying is a community issue. It's up to the members of the communities to fight against harassment and support their vulnerable. It's up to our community leaders to especially uphold a safe environment for all kinds.
Friend of drag here, most of this drama bs could just be over and done with if people just stopped being assholes for no good reason
Lemmy moderators are qualified to and capable of helping people with misgendering and harassment by removing misgendering and harassment and banning people who do it. The misgendering and harassment aren't on this community, so the mods here can't remove it directly, but anyone with a lemmy account can report the offending comments or tell the people responsible to knock it off.
Here's some advice from the University of Cambridge on how to be an active bystander: https://www.breakingthesilence.cam.ac.uk/prevention-support/be-active-bystander
How You Can Intervene Safely: When it comes to intervening safely, remember the four Ds β direct, distract, delegate, delay.
Direct action Call out negative behaviour, tell the person to stop or ask the victim if they are OK. Do this as a group if you can. Be polite. Donβt aggravate the situation - remain calm and state why something has offended you. Stick to exactly what has happened, donβt exaggerate.
Distract Interrupt, start a conversation with the perpetrator to allow their potential target to move away or have friends intervene. Or come up with an idea to get the victim out of the situation β tell them they need to take a call, or you need to speak to them; any excuse to get them away to safety. Alternatively, try distracting, or redirecting the situation.
Delegate If you are too embarrassed or shy to speak out, or you donβt feel safe to do so, get someone else to step in. Any decent venue has a zero tolerance policy on harassment, so the staff there will act.
Delay If the situation is too dangerous to challenge then and there (such as there is the threat of violence or you are outnumbered) just walk away. Wait for the situation to pass then ask the victim later if they are OK. Or report it when itβs safe to do so β itβs never too late to act.
Fuck... self harmed