Can't take being misgendered and harassed. He/himed. People starting arguments over their own intolerance and blaming the arguments on drag. Banned from trans communities on blahaj and then unbanned but the unban didn't federate, so don't know where to post this. In so much pain. Hopes this post won't lead to more pain. What do you do when nobody will believe you're hurt, and every time you scream out in pain, you're accused of having an agenda? What kind of agenda is just not wanting to be harassed anymore? They think they're winning when they fill a thread with drama and then complain about all the drama. They think they're doing something right? How do you tell people you're honestly suffering and have them believe you?
self-harm thoughts
Do you just cut your skin open and show it to them? Is that how you convince them that they're causing you pain? HOW? How the fuck do you convince them that your pain isn't a trick?
They tell you to block them while they misgender you and tell the whole world you're the devil. "Just ignore everything I'm doing to hurt you and you'll be okay". It doesn't make any sense but they think it's right. They could choose to disengage this very minute but they don't. They think harassment and misgendering is a crusade of justice. That hurting people is a moral good, but oh no, don't you dare claim you're hurt when I hurt you.
How the fuck do you post your tears on lemmy?
Okay please help. Drag wants help
The best thing you can do is find a therapist that specializes with genderqueer people. Also, get a good psychiatrist and start finding the medicine that works for you. Find professionals who value your opinion and give them a good idea of your symptoms.
If you can't afford healthcare, find see if there are any local lower-income therapists, or look for free resources through the internet like a "self-harm hotline". Look for lgbtq groups, preferably local but online is good too. Build a safety social safety net.
Please stay safe! I maybe a random person, but to me you are my internet neighbor. I like to see my neighbors in good health.
Drag has a therapist and she's wonderful and drag doesn't even have to pay to see her. She helps a lot every time drag sees her. But she can't make harassment or misgendering go away. She can help drag deal with it. She can help drag not self harm about it. But she can't take the pain away. A therapist can heal you, but they can't protect you. That's two different things. That's like expecting a surgeon to make it so you didn't get stabbed with a knife in an alley. You're still stabbed and still in pain. A surgeon just makes it so you won't die from the stabbing. A therapist is the same. Drag's therapist is making sure drag doesn't die from the harassment, not erasing it. But drag would really like to be protected from it so that drag doesn't have to go through all this pain.
My comment advice was just what has personal helped me deal with SH ideations. I don't know a way to stop bigotry. It hurts to be invalidated and othered. I recommend building a stronger emotional buffer, do things that bring you satisfaction. I wouldn't be able to deal with existing if it wasn't for my hobbies. I have terrible self-esteem, so i find that doing things that make me feel intelligent, or self-confident, decrease the risk of getting super drained and SHing.
Drag has a frustration, even here in this community, with how problems get medicalised. A person is misgendered and harassed, and everyone says "get help", and they clearly mean "see a doctor", as if doctors are the only kind of help that exists. Everyone wants to talk about therapy and counselling.
It's... gross. If someone is attacked, the problem isn't their reaction. Being a victim of online violence isn't a disease. It doesn't mean something is wrong with the victim. The problem is with the one doing the harassing. But all anyone can talk about is what the victim should do. Not what the attacker should do. That's not right.
Drag told drag's friends about this thread and they didn't like it any more than drag did.
Recommending medical help is good and does have its place. But drag hates when it's used as a thought-terminating cliche. "We told the hurt person to go see a doctor. Welp, that's everything that can be done. This conversation is over now. The therapist will magic away all the pain and we can ignore it now."
My initial comment was directly responding to you asking for help. Since I don't know any better way to help you I went to advice. My intention was share to the basics of what helped me regain some stability in my life, whereas I think I came across as cold/fake. I wasn't trying to minimize or suggest that you are supposed to be "fixed", I wanted to make sure I covered all bases for what I thought were impactful when experiencing anxiety/depression/abuse. I mentioned hobbies, friends, social safety net, online or local resources, groups, and professional.
I was working under the assumption that you had no resources because I thought it would be the best way to respond quickly without waiting to ask questions like "do you have a therapist?" I get that it is annoying to get the similar redundant advice. I didn't read the full comment section because my anxiety started spiking. I am sorry that I contributed to that.
The way I deal with abuse is to harden my shell and make sure to reduce any chances of getting hurt. Avoidance to the max. I sucks to feel hurt, but it is impossible to avoid it all.
My words were sincerely my attempt at advice. What drove me to respond in the first place was reading the spoilered-out intrusive thought. I literally went, "how am I reading my own intrusive thought from someone else entirely?"
Sorry for stressing you out. Drag didn't mean to single you out as responsible for that behaviour. Drag was pretty triggered after the initial "get help" comment. That one wasn't helpful to anyone, while drag thinks there's a good chance your comment will be seen by someone who does need to see it. Drag chose to respond to that initial comment broadly and refuse to acknowledge the implied specificity, but drag supposes most people don't take words literally enough to see what drag was doing. All they could see was the subtext that drag was choosing to ignore.
Feels nice to be told you feel the same way about people in online spaces perceiving your pain. It's awful. Call someone a troll, and you can pretend their every gasp and sob is manipulation. You don't have to care about the consequences of your actions. Causing pain is good. Fuck that thinking. It's one of the reasons why drag doesn't really believe in trolls. Drag's seen the belief in trolls turn people into monsters. Drag will leave drag's empathy on, even if it gets drag hurt, because hurting an innocent person is worse.
We aren't qualified or capable of helping you, as we are lemmy users, not people with the training and distance necessary to properly serve you. Us trying to address self harm issues would be doing a disservice. I suggest you contact a crisis hotline right now, and in the long term, seek professional help wherever you live. I'm sorry if this isn't what you want to hear, but that's all we can give.
If you live in the US, you can call 988 or text HOME to 741741 to reach national crisis hotlines. The Trevor Project can be reached by texting START to 678678, or by calling 1-866-488-7386. You can even message them online through their website.
Online interaction cannot replace live interaction. Although it's scary and difficult, there isn't another way. It's an easy trap that all types are vulnerable to. Seek to build relationships in the real world. Everyone can find others to love them.
Don't try to medicalise harassment. Cyberbullying is a community issue. It's up to the members of the communities to fight against harassment and support their vulnerable. It's up to our community leaders to especially uphold a safe environment for all kinds.
Friend of drag here, most of this drama bs could just be over and done with if people just stopped being assholes for no good reason
Lemmy moderators are qualified to and capable of helping people with misgendering and harassment by removing misgendering and harassment and banning people who do it. The misgendering and harassment aren't on this community, so the mods here can't remove it directly, but anyone with a lemmy account can report the offending comments or tell the people responsible to knock it off.
Here's some advice from the University of Cambridge on how to be an active bystander: https://www.breakingthesilence.cam.ac.uk/prevention-support/be-active-bystander