Asklemmy

Oh, most of them.

I had one that was my childhood friend and daughter of my mother's best friend. We threw hints to each other and even lived together for a while due to financial constraints. I am glad she went to another as her mother ended up trying to kill my mother in a road rage. Nothing serious happened to my mother, but I was furious nonetheless and we parted ways. It's been a decade since I heard anything of her or her mother.

The one that inspired me to grow and work on myself. She had a profound positive effect on me, but she was also selfish and stuck up.

First girlfriend, real small town energy now that I’m looking back on it. Not interested in trying foods from various cultures, her idea of a vacation would be something like Disneyland or a resort, not going out to foreign cities and experiencing them. Definitely would not have worked out.

She ended up marrying my ex-best friend when I went off to college. Worked out better for both of us, honestly. No way I could have stayed in my hometown doing the same things more or less for the past 20 years.

My last ex. Found out too late that she has Borderline Personality Disorder.

Towards the end of the relationship, I would randomly wake up at nights with her standing over me, waiting for me to wake up so she could scream at me.

I hope she got the help she needs, but that was awful.

all of them

All of them. If they had worked out, I wouldn't be married to who I'm married to, and I love her with every bit of me.

Now, if you had asked me that before I met my wife, I still would have said all of them; but because I had realized by that point in my life that crushes are just hormonal/chemical sensations that are a horrible way to find a partner. Seriously, a "crush" on someone blinds you to who they really are, you're to swept you in your own feelings to see them as the human they are.

Not saying it isn't ever worth trying anyway, because if it goes on long enough, that infatuation fades and you have enough time in that if you're actually compatible, some of the bumpy phases are over. It just isn't a way to pick someone.

If you'd asked me before I figured that out, it would be a toss up between two. Made up names, Megan and Tara.

Megan was a high school crush. Sweet girl, very pretty, and I knew she was into me a little. I just didn't have the motivation at the time to go through the whole first stages of trying to turn a crush into something.

After school ended, I went out into the world and it was a few years before I ran into her again. Which is a common refrain in my life since the local area isn't prone to people leaving permanently. Anyone you know, you'll eventually run into again. By the time I did, she was still sweet, but also verging on alcoholism, and into a wide range of drugging as a hobby. I have nothing but respect for people that overcome addiction, but I have zero room in my life for active addicts, and didn't then either.

Last time I ran into her, she was still an addict, but had narrowed it down to "just" booze and weed. Still sweet, but worn down to a nub.

Tara, she was later. Met her at the hospital. Used to work for one, and had a benefit of access to their medical library and any lectures or other educational opportunities that were done on site but didn't require a specific credential to take part in.

Tara was this tiny little thing with a great smile, and we'd end up chatting frequently. The crush was minor, but it was another one I'm confident was mutual. But I had zero time for dating at that point. Two jobs, doing martial arts, writing, taking trips all over for camping and a side gig, I was burning the candle at both ends and the middle too.

She ended up in jail for some major opiate theft, along with a handful of other people. So I dodged a bullet with that because if I hadn't been so crazy busy, I'd have taken the chance.

All of them.

I love the bachelor life.

My last ex was cute, funny, and treated me very well. The problem was they were not good at taking care of their health. As a result I couldn’t see us in a long term relationship. They died of a stroke a few years after we broke up.

I had a friend in college who I was briefly interested in, she was nice but I found her to be way too conservative for me to really feel comfortable with so in hindsight I'm glad she ended up dating ( and dumping) one of my other friends instead.

She's now a raging alcoholic, so dodged an ICBM

All of them. Drug abuse, jealousy issues, drug abuse, one was a scientologist, another one abused drugs...

none that I know of but its not like I kept up with them long term.

Most of them as they seem to be in caring relationships with families of their own, much like I am with my wife.

Nothing negative just good love all round.

All of them.

All of them, if I'm honest.