Asklemmy

All of them. If they had worked out, I wouldn't be married to who I'm married to, and I love her with every bit of me.

Now, if you had asked me that before I met my wife, I still would have said all of them; but because I had realized by that point in my life that crushes are just hormonal/chemical sensations that are a horrible way to find a partner. Seriously, a "crush" on someone blinds you to who they really are, you're to swept you in your own feelings to see them as the human they are.

Not saying it isn't ever worth trying anyway, because if it goes on long enough, that infatuation fades and you have enough time in that if you're actually compatible, some of the bumpy phases are over. It just isn't a way to pick someone.

If you'd asked me before I figured that out, it would be a toss up between two. Made up names, Megan and Tara.

Megan was a high school crush. Sweet girl, very pretty, and I knew she was into me a little. I just didn't have the motivation at the time to go through the whole first stages of trying to turn a crush into something.

After school ended, I went out into the world and it was a few years before I ran into her again. Which is a common refrain in my life since the local area isn't prone to people leaving permanently. Anyone you know, you'll eventually run into again. By the time I did, she was still sweet, but also verging on alcoholism, and into a wide range of drugging as a hobby. I have nothing but respect for people that overcome addiction, but I have zero room in my life for active addicts, and didn't then either.

Last time I ran into her, she was still an addict, but had narrowed it down to "just" booze and weed. Still sweet, but worn down to a nub.

Tara, she was later. Met her at the hospital. Used to work for one, and had a benefit of access to their medical library and any lectures or other educational opportunities that were done on site but didn't require a specific credential to take part in.

Tara was this tiny little thing with a great smile, and we'd end up chatting frequently. The crush was minor, but it was another one I'm confident was mutual. But I had zero time for dating at that point. Two jobs, doing martial arts, writing, taking trips all over for camping and a side gig, I was burning the candle at both ends and the middle too.

She ended up in jail for some major opiate theft, along with a handful of other people. So I dodged a bullet with that because if I hadn't been so crazy busy, I'd have taken the chance.