this post was submitted on 22 Dec 2024
668 points (98.1% liked)

Greentext

4741 readers
2152 users here now

This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

Be warned:

If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
 
top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] [email protected] 201 points 2 weeks ago (5 children)

How many dicks do I have to suck to prove I'm not gay!?

[–] [email protected] 59 points 2 weeks ago

In my case, at least one

[–] [email protected] 21 points 2 weeks ago (4 children)

Like one girl cock I think

load more comments (4 replies)
[–] [email protected] 9 points 2 weeks ago

If you someone tells you that broccoli is gross, but have never tried broccoli, can you trust their opinion?

[–] [email protected] 9 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)
load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 weeks ago
[–] [email protected] 138 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (1 children)

Fake: anon has a friend

Gay: literally gay

[–] [email protected] 13 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Fake because Brad didn't get gay with Tim and anon

[–] [email protected] 9 points 2 weeks ago

fake because tim is marrying a girl

[–] [email protected] 104 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 21 points 2 weeks ago

One of the few anon stories that seems plausible

[–] [email protected] 65 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (3 children)

Is it weird that the most unrelatable thing here for me is that SongeBob existed when anon was in high school?

Edit: a word

[–] [email protected] 79 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

I'm over 30, SpongeBob existed when I was in middle school.

[–] [email protected] 23 points 2 weeks ago (5 children)

Yeah, I'm over 40. SpongeBob didn't exist when I was in high school.

[–] [email protected] 24 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Hmmm with this we can deduce that SpongeBob was created sometime after 40 year olds went to highschool but before 30 year olds went to highschool 🤔

[–] [email protected] 9 points 2 weeks ago

SpongeBob first aired in 1999, so if you were born '81 or later, it was probably on when you were in high school. But yeah if you're in your mid-late 40s you would have just missed it.

[–] CaptnNMorgan 8 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

And you think it's weird that people under 40 are on the internet? I'm almost 30 and SpongeBob has been on since I was in daipers

load more comments (2 replies)
load more comments (2 replies)
[–] buddascrayon 12 points 2 weeks ago

This is where I remind you that 4chan has existed for over 21 years. Meaning that a kid born the day it started operation is now old enough to legally drink in the United States.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

1999 grandpa. Anyone born after 1981 will have had the option of SpongeBob. That having been said it wasn't until the mid to late 2010s that I remember seeing grown ass adults obsessed with, and spouting lines from, a children's cartoon from 1999. So mostly 90s kids.

[–] Skanky 48 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

In before someone posts the green text story of a friendship of two straight dudes just being straight dudes having a good time blowing each other

[–] [email protected] 12 points 2 weeks ago

That doesn't narrow it down as much as you'd think

[–] NikkiDimes 11 points 2 weeks ago
[–] [email protected] 41 points 2 weeks ago (3 children)

Being queer in HS was so fucking fun.

[–] [email protected] 21 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (1 children)

If you don't mind me asking, when were you in high school?

I was in high school in the late 2010s, in a red county in a red state, and there were a few openly queer ppl in my grade who were never bullied throughout high school.

I think it was because allies outnumbered the homophobes/transphobes and bullies only punch down, not up.

[–] captainlezbian 21 points 2 weeks ago (4 children)

I was in high school in the late 00s early 10s and I remember guys in the locker room talking about how they'd murder a trans woman if one "tricked them". Around that point the only reason I didn't realize I was a trans woman was that I really didn't want to realize it.

load more comments (4 replies)
[–] [email protected] 12 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

I was in my countries equivalent in the late '00s and early '10s, and it ... really wasn't. So I'd say that's rather time and place dependent.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 weeks ago (4 children)

Unless you go to a Christian high school, then it sucks

load more comments (4 replies)
[–] [email protected] 34 points 2 weeks ago

Ahh, they must've whispered "no homo" before getting in the showers together!

[–] [email protected] 32 points 2 weeks ago (3 children)

Tim is getting married at ~22?

[–] [email protected] 35 points 2 weeks ago (17 children)

Is that strange where you are from?

[–] Wizard_Pope 29 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

Indeed. Here most people are still either getting their education or just starting with work.

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] CluckN 5 points 2 weeks ago

In Lesotho that’s practically middle-aged.

load more comments (15 replies)
[–] [email protected] 26 points 2 weeks ago (17 children)
load more comments (17 replies)
[–] bitflag 6 points 2 weeks ago

Americans marry early. And often.

[–] [email protected] 26 points 2 weeks ago

Traumatize them back. Best revenge type.

[–] [email protected] 22 points 2 weeks ago

This is not gay. A cock was touched, even stroked, but there is no mention of the soap. Did it fell? Did someone pick it up?

[–] [email protected] 18 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)
load more comments (1 replies)
[–] Jumi 15 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

If touching dick is gay almost every man is a homosexual

[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 weeks ago (3 children)

What about touching other peoples' dicks?

load more comments (3 replies)
load more comments
view more: next ›