this post was submitted on 22 Dec 2024
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Greentext

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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

Be warned:

If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

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[–] [email protected] 201 points 1 month ago (5 children)

How many dicks do I have to suck to prove I'm not gay!?

[–] [email protected] 59 points 1 month ago

In my case, at least one

[–] [email protected] 21 points 1 month ago (4 children)

Like one girl cock I think

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[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 month ago

If you someone tells you that broccoli is gross, but have never tried broccoli, can you trust their opinion?

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 month ago (1 children)
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[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 month ago
[–] [email protected] 138 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

Fake: anon has a friend

Gay: literally gay

[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Fake because Brad didn't get gay with Tim and anon

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 month ago

fake because tim is marrying a girl

[–] [email protected] 104 points 1 month ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 21 points 1 month ago

One of the few anon stories that seems plausible

[–] [email protected] 65 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (3 children)

Is it weird that the most unrelatable thing here for me is that SongeBob existed when anon was in high school?

Edit: a word

[–] [email protected] 79 points 1 month ago (1 children)

I'm over 30, SpongeBob existed when I was in middle school.

[–] [email protected] 23 points 1 month ago (5 children)

Yeah, I'm over 40. SpongeBob didn't exist when I was in high school.

[–] [email protected] 25 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Hmmm with this we can deduce that SpongeBob was created sometime after 40 year olds went to highschool but before 30 year olds went to highschool 🤔

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 month ago

SpongeBob first aired in 1999, so if you were born '81 or later, it was probably on when you were in high school. But yeah if you're in your mid-late 40s you would have just missed it.

[–] CaptnNMorgan 8 points 1 month ago (2 children)

And you think it's weird that people under 40 are on the internet? I'm almost 30 and SpongeBob has been on since I was in daipers

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[–] buddascrayon 12 points 1 month ago

This is where I remind you that 4chan has existed for over 21 years. Meaning that a kid born the day it started operation is now old enough to legally drink in the United States.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

1999 grandpa. Anyone born after 1981 will have had the option of SpongeBob. That having been said it wasn't until the mid to late 2010s that I remember seeing grown ass adults obsessed with, and spouting lines from, a children's cartoon from 1999. So mostly 90s kids.

[–] Skanky 48 points 1 month ago (2 children)

In before someone posts the green text story of a friendship of two straight dudes just being straight dudes having a good time blowing each other

[–] [email protected] 12 points 1 month ago

That doesn't narrow it down as much as you'd think

[–] NikkiDimes 11 points 1 month ago
[–] [email protected] 41 points 1 month ago (3 children)

Being queer in HS was so fucking fun.

[–] [email protected] 21 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

If you don't mind me asking, when were you in high school?

I was in high school in the late 2010s, in a red county in a red state, and there were a few openly queer ppl in my grade who were never bullied throughout high school.

I think it was because allies outnumbered the homophobes/transphobes and bullies only punch down, not up.

[–] captainlezbian 21 points 1 month ago (4 children)

I was in high school in the late 00s early 10s and I remember guys in the locker room talking about how they'd murder a trans woman if one "tricked them". Around that point the only reason I didn't realize I was a trans woman was that I really didn't want to realize it.

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[–] [email protected] 12 points 1 month ago (1 children)

I was in my countries equivalent in the late '00s and early '10s, and it ... really wasn't. So I'd say that's rather time and place dependent.

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[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 month ago (4 children)

Unless you go to a Christian high school, then it sucks

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[–] [email protected] 34 points 1 month ago

Ahh, they must've whispered "no homo" before getting in the showers together!

[–] [email protected] 32 points 1 month ago (3 children)

Tim is getting married at ~22?

[–] [email protected] 35 points 1 month ago (17 children)

Is that strange where you are from?

[–] Wizard_Pope 29 points 1 month ago (2 children)

Indeed. Here most people are still either getting their education or just starting with work.

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[–] CluckN 5 points 1 month ago

In Lesotho that’s practically middle-aged.

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[–] [email protected] 26 points 1 month ago (17 children)
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[–] bitflag 6 points 1 month ago

Americans marry early. And often.

[–] [email protected] 26 points 1 month ago

Traumatize them back. Best revenge type.

[–] [email protected] 22 points 1 month ago

This is not gay. A cock was touched, even stroked, but there is no mention of the soap. Did it fell? Did someone pick it up?

[–] [email protected] 18 points 1 month ago (1 children)
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[–] Jumi 15 points 1 month ago (1 children)

If touching dick is gay almost every man is a homosexual

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 month ago (3 children)

What about touching other peoples' dicks?

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