this post was submitted on 17 Nov 2024
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Greentext

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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

Be warned:

If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

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[–] perviouslyiner 87 points 1 month ago (2 children)

Google a recent medical symptom - your smart watch already knows the gritty details

[–] sylver_dragon 65 points 1 month ago (2 children)

It's always cancer.
Sore throat - cancer.
Back ache - cancer.
Tiredness, cough, loss of taste and/or smell - maybe COVID. But also, cancer.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 month ago (1 children)

In its defense, the symptom I googled most recently like a year and a half ago, did, in fact, turn out to be cancer.

Yes, I'm fine now. But sometimes it's right.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Doesn't take away the fact you should've asked a doctor instead of a search engine, though.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

Yeah, that's... what I did after? It sure didn't go away on its own lmao

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

"It's probably nothing to worry about. Or cancer."

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 month ago

...But my smart watch is local sync only through FOSS alternative app. Maybe it's a normally intelligent watch instead of a smart watch.

[–] EldenLord 75 points 1 month ago (1 children)

No wait, you're telling me that mega-corporations don't care about me getting good products and having sole ownership of my personal data?

B-but [sponsored tech-geek blog], [generic gaming-news outlet] and [irrelevant apple shill] only ever told me so! Are you implying they lie to me?

Realtalk I only use cracked win11 pro workstation and iPhone because of work, every telemetry possible disabled (god bless the EU).

[–] [email protected] 32 points 1 month ago

I have a trash internet connection so I just play whack-a-mole with internet privileges. Windows update? No. NVIDIA? Not a chance. Google? How is that even on my computer? But also nah.

Turns out most things use fuck all resources without internet

[–] Gumbyyy 45 points 1 month ago

FAKE! Obviously no self-respecting Apple iPhone user would own a Windows PC. Gotta keep it all in that walled garden, baby!

[–] [email protected] 42 points 1 month ago (4 children)

On that matter, why is Norton antivirus so popular? I don't remember being prompted to install one when installing Windows, yet I've seen a lot of people with it.

[–] radix 53 points 1 month ago (3 children)

Back in the day, Norton actually made some useful tools. They've been coasting on that 90s reputation for decades, though. It's all unnecessary bloatware now.

[–] [email protected] 14 points 1 month ago

Dos was so much easier to use with Norton Commander.

[–] Tash 10 points 1 month ago

You gave me flashbacks of the Peter Norton and John McAfee days!

[–] criss_cross 4 points 1 month ago

There's still contracts that force anti-virus on servers and desktops so that may be their other source of revenue

[–] [email protected] 36 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Back in the day, you were pushed hard to either put McAfee or Norton on your computer when you bought one from Dell, Compaq, etc. A lot of older people still think you need to do that so it’s still pretty popular.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 month ago (1 children)

I always used kaspersky which I stupidly downloaded from a torrent lol. Guess it worked? I'll never know tho.

[–] kautau 15 points 1 month ago

It protected our computer perfectly :)

[–] [email protected] 31 points 1 month ago (1 children)

It comes preinstalled in a bunch of laptops.

[–] shneancy 34 points 1 month ago (1 children)

strange, most IT professionals will tell you the only thing you need is Windows Defender and an ability to think before clicking strange download buttons

[–] [email protected] 20 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Not strange, most executives will sign a deal where another company gives them money for every laptop they sell with that company's product preinstalled.

[–] shneancy 6 points 1 month ago

ah of course, money

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 month ago

It just comes on cheap prebuilts or laptops. It sucks.

[–] [email protected] 32 points 1 month ago (4 children)

prepares a morning shower

??

[–] [email protected] 25 points 1 month ago (1 children)

HAL begs anon "please take a shower"

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 month ago

"I am afraid I can't do that, Dave, not until you have taken a shower"

[–] [email protected] 14 points 1 month ago (2 children)

this was written by someone pretending they know how showers work

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 month ago

Notice he never actually enters the shower in this story.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 month ago

Written by AI, you bet?

[–] Quadhammer 11 points 1 month ago

Wall mounted mechanical dildo obviously

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Max had already turned on the shower for me, setting the water temperature right where I liked it. As I jumped into the steam-filled stall. Max switched the music over to my shower tunes playlist. I recognized the opening riffs of “Change,” by John Waite. From the Vision Quest soundtrack. Geffen Records, 1985.

Ready Player One had an AI that prepared his shower for him

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 month ago

setting the water temperature right where I liked it.

I have that too, it is called "having separate knobs for temperature and turning the water on and off" though I wouldn't exactly consider it AI.

[–] [email protected] 26 points 1 month ago (1 children)

For real, though, I'm building a Hal9000 system for my home built on top of Home Assistant and Esphome.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 month ago (1 children)

What kind of hardware are you using for voice controls/voice output? Been looking to build an Ai waifu to control the lights.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 month ago

I'll have to dig through my receipts to see. The Hal project has taken a back seat to the microchip controlled pet feeding stall project.

[–] [email protected] 18 points 1 month ago (1 children)

troll. no one uses Norton anymore, its all about avast.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 1 month ago (2 children)

Is my McAfee not cool anymore?

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 month ago

No, he's not shooting holding RPGs in his hand with blow all over the table anymore.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 month ago

no no no, kaspersky is where it's at

[–] SomeGuy69 15 points 1 month ago

beep boop "You're wrist circumference is too wide and the tracker noticed no physical activities."

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (3 children)

I used to wonder why someone didn't just make a Linux distro that could natively run Windows programs until the whole copyright shit was explained to me; can't incorporate DirectX and other crap without permission yadda yadda...

Now I just wonder why someone hasn't done it anyway just because fuck Microsoft and because if they don't even distribute it, how would they have actually broken a law? Make the world's most perfect OS; and then keep it to yourself. Be a sick flex.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 month ago

Or just do what other people breaking the law do and release it entirely anonymously via torrent, once it's out there it's out there.

Don't even have a website or explain anything, just dump it on pirate Bay and let word of mouth do the rest.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 3 weeks ago

I bet there is such a distro being kept hidden from us. I wouldn't be surprised. Even if it isn't public, someone probably tried doing it for his own personal sake.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 3 weeks ago

It's just really hard. Valve has been throwing money at the problem for like 10 years now and still hasn't gotten it right.