this post was submitted on 28 Oct 2024
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Asklemmy

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[–] andrewta 44 points 1 day ago

It’s good. Don’t have to worry about paying for any of it.

Elementary school

Middle school

High school

College

Helping out after they finish college and haven’t found a job

All the stuff during the summer

Not having to hear “ but why?!” Every ten seconds

Not having to worry about how they’ll survive in this fucked up world.

[–] spittingimage 89 points 1 day ago

Pretty great. I have money and free time.

[–] Zerlyna 58 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Just turned 50. Was childless by choice. But I Got custody of my 12 year old niece two years ago. (Very small family and There was no one else to take her.). I love her but I do miss my adult freedom.

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[–] [email protected] 51 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I wanted kids when I was younger, but wasn't ready to give up my freedom. Once I was ready for kids the world (and the future in particular) looks so bleak that it doesn't seem fair to the theoretical kiddo to say 'hey, here's a dumpster fire - good luck'. Instead I babysit for my friends and family, spoil the kids around me, and sleep in on the weekend. I also have more time for activism and trying to ensure a brighter future for kiddos.

No regrets.

[–] untorquer 3 points 1 day ago

This is amazing!

[–] [email protected] 75 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (3 children)

Shout out to [email protected]

Edit: k, idk why you downvoted me, was trying to show you another sub with an audience directly for this question that you may want to also ask, but k go ahead and downvote me OP.

[–] [email protected] 42 points 1 day ago (2 children)

Didn’t downvote you but it’s probably bc Reddit’s original childfree subreddit is a special kind of toxic hellhole; even for Reddit… which is saying something.

[–] [email protected] 23 points 1 day ago

Most of Reddit was a toxic hellhole. It's why I'm not on Reddit anymore.

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[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 day ago (1 children)

[email protected]

Your link doesn't link to the community on my instance, it links to the original instance, so that's a bit annoying. Maybe that's why?

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I believe the way that link style works is that it does that only if your instance does not have it locally. Here on the fediverse we need one person to subscribe before it will show up on your local instance correctly

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 day ago (1 children)

It doesn't appear that that's the case, because people on my instance have subscribed to the comm in question and the link still didn't work. When I formatted the link correctly, it worked. Unless there's an interoperability bug between Lemmy and Mbin, which is certainly possible.

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[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 day ago (1 children)

It seems like in almost every thread, there are at least one or two cranky individuals that just downvote for the hell of it.

[–] [email protected] -2 points 18 hours ago (1 children)

Downvotes on lemmy are pure spam. Good instances block them.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 18 hours ago (1 children)

I regularly down vote things. I up vote a lot more than that, though. I'm sure the ratio is at least 3:1 or higher for up to down.

Are my down votes spam?

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[–] nilaus 25 points 1 day ago
[–] [email protected] 22 points 1 day ago (1 children)

It sucks. I don’t have children because I’m barely functional. Can barely keep a roof over my own head, let alone maintain a romantic relationship.

I’ve wanted kids for a long time, but the only relationship that showed promise of that ended with a bunch of cheating and abuse. I eventually realized even if I was willing to put up with it, I couldn’t subject my kids to having her as a mother.

So I’m going on 42 and don’t know if I’m gonna make it.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 14 hours ago

Keep it going. There are genuinely nice people out there to have a relationship with. I only encountered my wife at a later age (she was turning 50) and she had a miscarriage, so kids are not going to happen for us (and we're fine with that).

But you can meet new people, even at your age. I never had any meaningful relationship either before I met her.

[–] Volkditty 33 points 1 day ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 38 points 1 day ago
[–] ShittyBeatlesFCPres 20 points 1 day ago

I love it but even in high school, I knew I didn’t want kids. People told me seeing my friends have kids would cause me to change my mind but it only reinforced my preference. Having kids is a huge amount of work and commitment (not to mention the expense). I love to travel and I’ve been able to go to places and do things you can’t (or just wouldn’t want to) do with kids. I also like that I was able to take risks with my career. It’s much easier to start a business or join an early stage company or whatever if you don’t need the stability kids need.

So, for me, it’s amazing. I feel for people who want kids but never had them, though. I know a few and they’re happy — freedom is a nice consolation prize — but it wasn’t their dream.

[–] [email protected] 32 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Honestly it kind of sucks.

I always wanted a kid but it requires a partner who is able to be a parent and I have never had such a partner.

I had a pretty fucked up childhood and I wanted someone who could be a good mother to a child and everyone I've dated who had the ability to be a good mother was not capable of giving birth for one reason or another and everyone I've dated who's capable of giving birth was not capable of being a good mother for one reason or another.

I know it's not too late for me but it's getting pretty damn close.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 1 day ago

Adoption could be an alternative maybe

[–] [email protected] 15 points 1 day ago

I'm in way over my head as it is. I can't even imagine what it would be like having to be responsible for some gremlins, as well. We do not even dare get a cat (or two - you should always get two so they're not lonely) for the same reason. Good thing my SO sees it exactly the same way. We're both glad we didn't have children.

[–] [email protected] 30 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (3 children)

Seriously like the most obvious fucking life hack.

Also, it's generally super weird how everyone tries really hard to convince you that you are wrong about it. Like I could take all of the collective time people have spent trying to give me unsolicited input on some other random topic, and it wouldn't even add up to a tenth of the time I've spent on the "why don't you want kids?" Conversation. I'm sorry but that's sus as fuck. Like some actual brain slug shit.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 day ago

As a parent, I couldn't give two shits if you don't have kids. Not gonna convince you. It's your story not mine.

You're also not going to convince me I made a poor decision.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (3 children)

it’s generally super weird how everyone tries really hard to convince you that you are wrong about it

My theory is that (volontary) childless people are less predictable to others. If you only have to take care of yourself, you need less resources (read: money) for that. An employer that knows his employee has children to care for can be treated worse in terms of working conditions and salary/ wages, because the employer knows that this employee can't afford to quit the job, because of the responsibility for the child(ren).

If an emloyee is known to have no children, it makes him unpredictable. He could get up after a good yelling at the workplace, say "fuck it" and leave. He only has to take care for himself. Also, that employee can accumulate more money since it has not to be spent on the needs of children. That means, the employee has a bigger and longer lasting financial cushion.

Something similar applies when credits/ loans have to be paid. Having debt is a considered a "good" thing, since people are less prone to quit their jobs. On a personal level, the goal should be to become debt free as soon as possible. Not only it will result in financial freedom, it will also enhance your "fuck-it-ablilty".

Another theory for those convincing people is that they envy your lifestyle of tranquility and spontaneousness. These people have been bullied into having children by their peer groups, because "that is the thing to do", and "you owe grandchildren". There are so many parents out there who would be better off if they never had children, but their relatives had convinced them otherwise.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 day ago

For some people, having children is their only life accomplishment, so they perceive other people's choices as an "attack" on their sense of identity, which makes it feel personal, to them.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Another theory is that people with children want you to have some, too, because they have no other topics available for discussion.

[–] phcorcoran 3 points 20 hours ago

As a parent who doesn't try to convince childless people to have children... fair point.

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[–] IlIllIIIllIlIlIIlI 36 points 1 day ago
[–] ikidd 12 points 1 day ago (2 children)

I wish we had. I'm regretting it more as I get older.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 day ago (1 children)

What's the source of the regret? I just turned 30, and am still undecided.

[–] ikidd 10 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I see what my friends have with their kids and grandkids now, and really wish I had people that care for me that much. Honestly, it's kinda gotten to where I don't want to go to events because it just reminds me of how that chance is lost now.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 22 hours ago

I know someone who adopted a grandmother at some random point in life.

[–] aregularbeaneater 4 points 1 day ago

Never too late to adopt! I know a couple in their 50s/60s who adopted and are loving it

[–] [email protected] 22 points 1 day ago

Good, made a decision decades ago to have a vasectomy as there are way to many people in the world and misquoting Thoreau, what use a kid if no livable planet to raise them on ?

I always felt if the need to be a parent overwhelmed, I could adopt any number of abandoned kids.

I like kids but I'd fell way to guilty about having any. Not having them also let me retire at 35 and pursue my own interests, I'm now 58.

[–] [email protected] 26 points 1 day ago

Feels like the best decision I ever made.

[–] [email protected] 17 points 1 day ago

Amazing. I'm not willing to exercise the permanent sacrifices that having kids entails.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 1 day ago

Fine. Sometimes sad. I dated someone with a kid for a while and the good parts were good. But now I'm old so it's kind of moot.

[–] Hikermick 14 points 1 day ago
[–] CuddlyCassowary 11 points 1 day ago (2 children)

Joyful, peaceful, content, fulfilled, educated, energetic, with a diverse set of wonderful friends, and a fun, flexible lifestyle. I retired early and wake up every day (whenever I feel like waking up) in a place I love. I laugh a lot and have a close “chosen family” who always has each other’s back. I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

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[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 day ago

I have a big chosen family, including people who feel like children, and even grandchildren. I don't believe that a blood relation would make that any richer an experience for me.

[–] j4k3 6 points 1 day ago

skipped the zombie apocalypse

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