this post was submitted on 08 Aug 2024
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The Internet in Ancient Times

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Welcome to the stone age... or the bronze age... or the iron age... heck, anything with an 'age' is welcome, except our modern age or any ages to come.

This is about what the internet was like thousands of years ago back when it all started. Like when Darius the Great hired mercenaries via Craigslist or when Egypt invented emojis.

CODE OF LAWS

1 - Be civil. No name calling, no fighting, keep your flint hand axes inside your leather pouches at all times.

2 - Keep the AI stuff to a minimum. It gets annoying and old fashioned memes are more fun for everyone.

3 - None of this newfangled modern 21st century nonsense. We don't even know what "21st century" means.

4 - No porn/explicit content. The king is sensitive about these things.

5 - No lemmy.world TOS violations will be tolerated. So there.

6 - There is no ~~rule~~ law 6.

Laws of justice which Hammurabi, the wise king, established. A righteous law, and pious statute did he teach the land. Hammurabi, the protecting king am I. I have not withdrawn myself from the men, whom Bel gave to me, the rule over whom Marduk gave to me, I was not negligent, but I made them a peaceful abiding-place. I expounded all great difficulties, I made the light shine upon them. With the mighty weapons which Zamama and Ishtar entrusted to me, with the keen vision with which Ea endowed me, with the wisdom that Marduk gave me, I have uprooted the enemy above and below (in north and south), subdued the earth, brought prosperity to the land, guaranteed security to the inhabitants in their homes; a disturber was not permitted. The great gods have called me, I am the salvation-bearing shepherd, whose staff is straight, the good shadow that is spread over my city; on my breast I cherish the inhabitants of the land of Sumer and Akkad; in my shelter I have let them repose in peace; in my deep wisdom have I enclosed them. That the strong might not injure the weak, in order to protect the widows and orphans, I have in Babylon the city where Anu and Bel raise high their head, in E-Sagil, the Temple, whose foundations stand firm as heaven and earth, in order to bespeak justice in the land, to settle all disputes, and heal all injuries, set up these my precious words, written upon my memorial stone, before the image of me, as king of righteousness.

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[–] [email protected] 40 points 2 months ago (1 children)

you cuneiform is bad. you should feel bad. terrible reed stylusmanship

[–] mecfs 39 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (1 children)

I have never felt so insulted! May your harvest be smaller than in drought!

[–] clearedtoland 16 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Now I wonder what trolling was like back then.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 2 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Really makes you wonder what

WITH A LADDER

meant back in the time of the X.K.C.D.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Maybe nothing special, maybe one of the hypotheses is correct. It would be clearer if it came out soon after #932.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 2 months ago

The comments were the most fun I’ve had a explainxkcd for a while—thank you.

[–] [email protected] 34 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

You can't stop me from piracy

𒀭𒋾𒊏𒁉𒀉
𒊒𒀀𒈪𒅎
𒁺𒋗𒉺𒋾
𒀭𒈹𒂊𒇷
𒊮𒅀𒄭𒁀𒀀𒋾
𒀭𒋾𒊩𒌆𒈨𒇷𒋛𒅎
𒈾𒉿𒊏𒀀𒋾
𒆗𒉡𒌑𒌈𒅖𒌅
𒊮𒆠𒊭𒁉𒊑𒅎
𒄿𒈾𒀊𒉺𒄩

𒀭𒋾𒈗𒊏𒀜
𒄭𒇷𒄿𒍜𒅆𒀀𒆠
𒈾𒀝𒆷𒀜
𒍣𒋫𒆠
𒅇𒄭𒇷𒌒𒆠
𒄿𒈾𒈾𒀊𒆷𒋛𒆠
𒇷𒄿𒁍𒊒𒉏𒈠
𒌦𒈨𒌍𒆗𒇻𒅆𒈾
𒊒𒀀𒄠𒆠𒁕𒊑𒄠
𒀭𒈹𒄭𒅁𒋾
𒇷𒈬𒊏𒈠𒇷𒄴𒁲𒀀

You have a great wife, 𒌋/𒌋 would bang

[–] spittingimage 25 points 2 months ago (1 children)

That's beautiful, man. Truly, her breasts are like pomegranates.

[–] ripcord 5 points 2 months ago

Small and full of seeds?

[–] titty_wizard 20 points 2 months ago (1 children)
[–] mecfs 13 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

Is this from the 2000BC anti piracy video

[–] negativenull 17 points 2 months ago (1 children)

I have CuniGPT available to make infinite love poems now too!

[–] mecfs 15 points 2 months ago

GPT, the Great Puram Temple?

[–] [email protected] 15 points 2 months ago

I have a complaint! My wife immediately knew I didn't write this but didn't tell me how, so I began sleuthing and found out that she had gotten it recited by her secret lover, another customer of yours. When confronted about it, she confessed and demanded a divorce, saying the lover could tell the poem more heartily.

AITA?

[–] [email protected] 9 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

This is originally "A hymn to Ishtar as the goddess of love written in Akkadian" by u/AlumParhum at Reddit's r/Sumer.

If Ishtar is your wife, are you Dumuzid, the god of shepherds?

[–] zazo 9 points 2 months ago

too much simping for one's own wife - may you praise Ishtar more and maybe then she'll bless your wife to take your seed (and not just after a bountiful harvest)

[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 months ago

This is clearly a Nam-Shub...

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

I am unconvinced this woman did not fart in your lap, since time immemorial, that is.