this post was submitted on 04 May 2024
363 points (96.4% liked)

Programmer Humor

32692 readers
345 users here now

Post funny things about programming here! (Or just rant about your favourite programming language.)

Rules:

founded 5 years ago
MODERATORS
 
top 21 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] [email protected] 53 points 7 months ago (1 children)

I speak 4 languages, English, Swedish, German an Polish. At work in Swrden our office language was English because so many people from all over the world worked together. I was a consultant at the customers office. There was another consultant from Poland visiting the customer and after a heated meeting he sat down at his desk, which was adjesent to mine and called his collegues in Poland. Ha basically said that those Swedes are so stupid, they want us to use 9 women to give birth to the baby in one month instead of 9 months, without realizing that I could understand everything. I had to work hard to not burst out in loughter.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 7 months ago

Is this how you get Heimdal? (mythologically "the Son of 9 mothers")

[–] MrOxiMoron 52 points 7 months ago (4 children)

Quality, Speed, Cost. Pick two.

[–] [email protected] 18 points 7 months ago

Also, you can’t just dump a bunch of money and get instant quality and speed.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 7 months ago

And if you're lucky, you might actually get one of them.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 7 months ago

Shit dude you barely get one nowadays with contractors.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 7 months ago

Cost is the only one you can change quickly.

[–] [email protected] 40 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago) (2 children)

An old employer of mine that I fired was full to the brim of people who genuinely thought that nine women could make a baby in one month.

Like techies we pointed out that nine women could average one baby per month if that what they wanted over nine months but it requires another nine months of planning first.

They didn't get it. Just kept hiring fixed term contractors to "increase velocity".

The worst port of it was when my team was just the small internet hippy department that no one took seriously we never had these problems, then we got promoted to "proper department" and lost everything.

[–] [email protected] 19 points 7 months ago (1 children)

Exactly! You actually CAN have 50 people finish something 50x faster, but it takes a shitload of planning, and that equals time and money no company I have ever worked for, or even known of, would allocate to something that isn't generating immediate income.

Take the Hoover Dam for example: Dsigned over 3 ish years and built in 5, at a time when nothing that huge had ever been made before, at less than a billion in today money, and 2 years ahead of schedule. It's 90 years old.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 7 months ago

IIRC the Empire State Building was built "agile".

We'll keep adding floors until there's only enough money left for the roof.

Something about making things in that early 20th C. period of the USA was amazing.

[–] [email protected] 17 points 7 months ago (3 children)

How did you fire your employer?

[–] Sarie 11 points 7 months ago

Uno reverse card.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago) (1 children)

I said "this is my contract mandated notice period, starting today".

[–] [email protected] 2 points 7 months ago
[–] Carighan 32 points 7 months ago (1 children)

Also isn't Manor Lords plodding along fairly well? Who cares if they take a long time, better release done than Ubisoft.

[–] Merlin404 11 points 7 months ago

Bought it the first day, and I expect them to take a long time before its ready. The game have been in development for many years and it looks and feels amazing, so i want it to take time!

[–] [email protected] 18 points 7 months ago

It always grates on my nerves to read laypeople's opinions of how software development should happen. So much unfettered stupidity.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 7 months ago

Haste makes waste - if you want quality content, let the dev and their team take the time they need.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 7 months ago

We have a problem with testing.

"Management" identifies problem "testing" adds word "lead".

Issues job advert, recruits, problem solved?

. . . third "testing lead" in 2 years . . . "it's so hard to recruit"