Oh man, there’s a whole ADHD anger thing with kids not getting what they’re told to expect.
this post was submitted on 29 Feb 2024
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You dont get mad if someone lies or missleads you?
No, not like that.
More like: Johnny says he’ll be here at three. Johnny shows up at 3:25. Kid is pissed he wasn’t there at 3.
Or: Hey, we might go out for pizza next Friday. Kid hears Friday=Pizza, and gets pissed because some other thing got in the way of pizza and didn’t hear the “might” part.
Nobody lied with the intent to deceive or mislead. Just life happens.
Yeah, all true, but none of that is tied to ADHD.
Its a spectrum
On the contrary. Some people are wired in such a way that shifting gears is hard, and hyper focusing on the expectation that someone will show up at a specific time, or hyper-focusing on pizza in my made up situation, and doesn’t can be really difficult to deal with as a kid who can’t emotionally deal with that. ADHD has a lot of variety and tangential fallout that you might not really think of.
What I am trying to say is that these examples are often issues not just for children with ADHD.
But for kids without ADHD it doesn't generally present the massive obstacle in their social life that it frequently presents for kids with ADHD. It can be an even daily issue with stronger emotions with ADHD and can really make socializing really hard for younglings.
Kids who have ADHD may take things like that significantly more seriously or be far more impacted by that sort of stuff.
It's like with some of the other symptoms of ADHD that most people think "everyone deals with". Everyone forgets stuff and has trouble staying on track occasionally, but it's not typical for it to be so frequent and bad that it constantly interferes multiple times an hour with daily life and royally screws up important moments in your life.
Let me guess. You get distracted and procrastinate, too.
Oh, yea thats true, us adhd can be like that 100%
41 and yeah fuck that im pissed at the idea of that. imma punch something.
ADHD rage is real. Especially when it leads to a vicious circle of disappointment->lashing out->consequence->further lashing out
Ugh. Yeah, that sounds familiar. Never seen people send themselves down that cycle so hard. Get punished, unable to let go of the anger, get told to stop or more punishment, I don’t fucking care punish me, gets more punishment.
Sucks if you don’t understand it. People just need to be told to fuck off and cool down, then you can deal with it. In the heat of the problem ADHD makes it so much worse.
Relatable. My partner termed it best when he made the observation that I treat my environment like a matte painting in a cartoon. If I place something down and don't make some kind of mental note it's gone. Dissolved into the matte painting and requires playing a hidden object game to solve. Whereas if I made some kind of note even "that's interesting" I will remember for weeks where something was.
Enfuriatingly "have you seen my..." sometimes gets answered with "have you checked the matte painting?" bloody lucky they're cute enough to get away with it.
Check matte ... Got it.
The more I read this sub, the more I think I have adhd.
Well, you might? Relating to memes doesn't really mean anything but if you find that you relate to most of them then it might be worth digging deeper.
Yeah, they are almost 100% true for me. I probably have it, but I’m almost 40. Is it worth while to pursue?
Well, I'm closer to 40 than I am to 30 and only kinda figured out I had it like 2 years ago.
If you can function fine without meds then an official diagnosis might not be worth the costs and trouble. Self-discovery is a good thing though and there are many ways to do that, all are valid.
Another thing though is that the symptoms tend to get worse as you get older because managing the traits/symptoms associated with ADHD takes a lot of energy and after a while burnout becomes a very real possibility.
The only reason I noticed my own symptoms and ADHD traits is because of that. Had somebody suggested I had ADHD a couple years before that I would've said that there was no way. Looking back now though, it was there all along but back when I was younger it was easy to find and maintain coping mechanisms.
It gets tiring.
I was diagnosed in my mid 30s. I even managed a good grade on a physics degree, without assistance.
By my 30s I began to burn out. I got diagnosed mostly since I thought the meds would help. In practice, the CBT helped even more. For the first time I was talking to a professional who both could keep up with my thought process, and offer useful advice and methods. It's helped me unpick a good number of maladaptations I had, and so free up a lot of mental resources.
It also helps to know that I am not a failed horse, but a highly effective zebra.
That last sentence hits a little too hard
It definitely does.
I normally use a tank analogy. A tank is a shit vehicle for commuting, or distance driving. If you never even know you can go off-road, you'll never see the benefits, only the costs.
The zebra analogy is the more traditional one however, and tends to ring with more people than my variant.
I'm 45, yes
I never really thought about it before, but since I’ve made it this far in life, if I were diagnosed officially, what change in my life could there be?
A diagnosis isn't a solution at all, but it does open the door to a better understanding of oneself, as well as a community of people with similar struggles.
I don't know how well you've got a handle on your symptoms, so it's impossible to say.
In my case mine got worse within the last few years. A cortisol response to chronic stress, it felt like i lost all the gains of willpower and responsibility i had gained, and returned back to my struggles of my youth.
Finally accepted i needed help and am still finding my way, but i just feel more normal now. I never would have given in if i had some semblance of function, my old man's stubborn distrust of doctors of any sort rubbed off i guess.
For me, it gets rid of the worst of the 'static' running around my noggin, let's me focus without feeling like I'm flexing a muscle, and gives me a lot more oomph to complete tasks i gotta do without my brain flashing the danger sign.
Im just getting started mind you, perhaps I'll find more changes as i get further along this trail
It's mostly that almost all of these memes apply to everyone.
Because it’s a spectrum everyone is on. Clinical diagnosis asks “how many,” “how often,” and “is it causing problems” to locate a patient on the spectrum. So yes, ADHD patients’ experiences are indeed mostly common; it’s the rate of recurrence and their control of it that is not.
Edit: Also it’s notoriously underdiagnosed, so when I see comments saying “but that’s what it’s like for everyone” or “almost all of these memes apply to me,” honestly I’m compelled to ask how many apply, how often, and is it causing problems.
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The contrast between these two states is unbelievable sometimes.
Behind the potted plant next to the TV, I saw it there last week!, I shout from the other room as my mum hasn't even finished asking her question.
At the same time, I only remember what I had for breakfast because I've been eating the same exact thing for years now.
I’ve been eating the same exact thing for years now.
Ok, is this also an adhd thing, because I've been doing the same and people around me keep commenting on it.
In my case it's simply about clinging to one of the only habits I managed to get into
That is ADHD in a nutshell. Source: Severe ADHD diagnosed at 49.
Oooh. How'd you make it so far without a diagnosis if it's severe?
I got diagnosed at 40 because my son was diagnosed and I saw a lot of similar behaviours so figured why not.
I wouldn't classify myself as severe and hell I make good money with a good career so clearly I manage it.
That said, I look at peers who got diagnosed young and regret I didn't get the same. I struggle with RSD and specifically emotional regulation. Successful in everything but relationships which is arguably the most important thing in life. Where diagnosed peers got assistance and understanding I had a childhood filled of "do better" and "if only he applied himself" or "shut up".
It's disheartening.
That said, I'm happy for my son and hopefully he will have more success.
Looking back it's pretty clear. I'm not sure how I made it with a relatively successful career and married with 2 kids. My wife made me go get evaluated because it was driving her crazy. My son also has it along with severe autism.
Hindsight 20/20 here too.
What's important is we give our kids the tools we didn't have.
I'm also working with autism diagnoses with my kids too. You got this. The universe doesn't hand you problems it doesn't think you can't handle.
I got diagnosed young and didn't get a lot of the support you're talking about. It was more like they threw ritalin at me and expected me to be normal now. Also, Ritalin was terrible.
I think it has less to do with the early diagnosis and more with the public perception when the diagnosis was made. There's more understanding now than before.
Yeah sorry when I said support a lot of what I meant was the understanding part. Simply having a diagnosis changes a person's perception. That's what I was lacking growing up as I'm sure many like me can attest.
Simply having the acknowledgement I'm different and maybe I'm loud in class for a reason that I'm not to blame could have helped with my at times crippling self awareness and internal criticism.
I'd argue a lot of my negative perceptions of myself and the world around me stem from having to grow up alone and struggling in silence for all those things neurotypical people take for granted.
Sometimes a simple label is support enough.
Over the years this has honestly become one of my favorite parts of my brain. I might forget trivial stuff like teethbrushing, but I have these funny bits of people I've lost that I can pretty much revisit in 4k. Probably mostly doing that when I should be doing something else, lol, but I wouldn't trade it away
Is that what's my problem...
100% relatable.
It do be like that sometimes.
What's weird as someone who was diagnosed at 40 in comparison to my son at 8 a lot of this behaviour I see in him and not necessarily with me. I don't know if this is because of the separate angle that people with ADD are consistently oblivious to what's happening around them lol.
Like little dude will not sleep on some passing "commitment" I made to simply shut him up 3 months ago. 🤣
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