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I got a sizeable raise and am now officially making low six figures and have no one to share my good news with
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Nice one mate. Can you spare a tenner? I fancy buying a 2for£8 Easter Eggs from Asda. You can afford it now, so go on!
Congratulations. Of course you understand that come time to eat the rich you're now on the menu.
edit: Pff y'all can't take a joke