The Onion

“This is the time of year when lots of my guys will start choking out turnstile jumpers or pistol-whipping street vendors who don’t have permits. I can’t say I blame them, I’d do the same if I were walking the beat. The hardest part for me is having to pretend I give a shit when I give them a stern talking to and tell thim they are suspended,” said Captain Angioni. “But Officer Hannon is a cut above the rest. I think he’s worked about 15 days in the last two years, he’s always under disciplinary review, getting his full pay. At this point, most of the guys at the station just call him Tommy Bahama because he’s always lounging on the beach.”

Can’t decide between laughing, crying, and sighing.