News

I agree, and that context is a part of what I feel towards him, and others like him. I think of myself a lot, because I had a fucked up family and was bullied throughout school such that my head was an awful place to exist, full of toxic sludge. I think outwardly, I was still a good person, but inside, I thought some truly dreadful things and they definitely shaped how I behaved. It wasn't until I got out of my family home that I was able to build a better way of living. I know what it feels like to be the product of my circumstances, especially because I feel immensely lucky that I met the people who I did who helped me get out of that.

Alongside that though, I do feel like choice plays a large role. Opting into a toxic system isn't one big choice, but the culmination of many. Untangling a messed up worldview means condemning not just your environment, but also parts of yourself and it usually is easier to continue opting in. Similarly, extricating oneself from an environment like that isn't one big choice. I'm still shaped by my background because sometimes I get little bad thoughts that I recognise as coming from my mum and other similar figures, and casting them out is more effort than just ignoring them and letting them fester and grow. It isn't easy, but many people do find the courage and community to get out of that mode of existence.

It's sad, because I can't imagine a world like that for Trump. He's got so many sycophants around him reinforcing all this that I can't help but think he's probably too far gone on that front. That sucks, because it means he'll never fully understand the depth of harm he's done, and as a believer in restorative justice, I don't see how justice could be achieved in this scenario.

Two aspects are key to how I think about how our background affects our choices - compassion and accountability. As I've said, I had my own battle with toxicity, and I've also personally known people who used to be heavily hard right, who have used the phrase "indoctrinated" to describe their experiences. No-one exists outside of a wider context and we need to keep that in mind before judging. However also, the people who get themselves out do so by making good choices and having the strength to keep following through and keep building networks of support.

I suppose that's another reason why I'm sad - Trump has a huge network, but it's all just people like him, ready to jump in and capitalise on whatever happens with him. You could lock him up and throw away the key, but justice would still be far out of our reach. It's easy to see why so many are bitter about this trial — it's better than nothing, but that's not glowing praise.