ADHD

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128

I don't feel rewarded for anything "good" I do (self.adhd)

submitted 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) by Binette to c/adhd

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Hi everyone.

When I try to follow a schedule to eat, clean my room and do my homework, it feels good at the beginning, but as time goes on, it just doesn't feel good anymore.

I'm not even sure if I even feel trully happy about doing all of my responsibilities.

It doesn't feel as if a burden has been lifted of my shoulder.

It doesn't feel as if I were "refreshed" or more energetic after I do all of these.

I started slowly like my therapist recommended: I did a schedule to eat 3 times a day. It started rocky but then I manage to do it... but only for a while. Eating just didn't feel good either.

Every single time I finally clean my room, I don't feel any good: it just feels as though I wasted time because I don't feel any better.

Doing math homework is fun, philosophy to, but I don't like any of the other subjects I actually need to do homework for.

I know it might seem childish to only do things that feel good but I hate not being able to feel anything at all, especially when I do things that are supposed to help me but don't make me feel anybetter afterwards.

Has someone here went through anything similar? What do you do then, if so?

Edit: I have read all of your replies so far, but I don't know how to respond properly to them. All I can think of is to say thank you! I will try to change things (although slowly) today using your tips.

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[–] Binette 3 points 1 year ago (2 children)

I understand. I think I lack self-discipline, because I don't do things that I know I won't like. I just thought that I would maybe feel happier after eating 3 meals a day for a week, but now that I think about it, maybe it's just to not feel bad later, right?

Do you have any tips to get self-discipline, or do I have to change the way I feel about responsibilities? If it's the latter, how do I go about it?

Thank you very much!

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 year ago

Just try to find extra ways to extract enjoyment out of the tougher tasks. Turn it into a game AND REWARD yourself for getting through it.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago

One of the things you realize at some point is that your brain craves structure. Maybe it's not true for everyone but that is my experience.

The hard part is, your brain wants to do the most rewarding thing in the moment. This is bad for building and maintaining structure.

So, what I might suggest is this:

Schedule the things you don't like doing. This could be anything. Showering, taking out the trash, doing homework, checking in on friends and family. Use your calendar, or an alarm on your phone, whatever will get your attention.
Get a white board if you can. The more physical real world items you can use to help you track stuff, the better (your phone is a trap!). My whiteboard is right next to my bathroom. Put it "in your way", a place where you can't help but see it. I track today's date, so I'm forced to update it every day (I don't always, but seeing just the old forces me to update it). I track a medication streak, to help me be aware of how consistent I'm being. Every Sunday I look at my calendar on my phone and write down the next week events, so I can prepare and not be surprised.
Find someone to help you initiate the important stuff or be there with you while you do the important stuff. Brushing my teeth regularly was almost impossible for most of my life. My SO would just do it at whatever time each day, and it seemed to come naturally. Long story short I asked her to do it with me every day. It was, embarrassing to admit at first, but now I feel weird NOT doing it.

You can't plan every moment of your life, but you can build a plan that applies every day. Stopping to plan for "tomorrow" every day is exhausting, but planning for the week is easier. Also, eliminate as much choice as you can. If you feel fine eating the same thing for breakfast and lunch every day because it's easier that way then do it. Don't let anyone make you feel shame over it.

I also like to reaffirm a montra that comes from addiction recovery that I think applies to people with ADHD. Instead of thinking, "I have to do these things forever", I think "I just have to do these things today". Don't worry about tomorrow, just work on today. If you're keeping track, you'll be surprised with how consistent you can really be, and it'll hurt less when you slip up.