this post was submitted on 06 Apr 2024
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I'm a dude and I would love a world where women feel safe to be open with their boundaries. This comic nails it in that the problem isn't women, it's other men.
Patriarchal society doesn't just hurt women, it hurts men too.
Any guys reading this- we don't have to be the problem, in fact we are part of the solution. We are not useless, we are not supposed to just shut up and listen, we are supposed to be role models for the next generation. We have work to do, and when everyone benefits, we will benefit too. This isn't a zero sum game.
I'm an educator, and I try to teach the girls that men don't need to be feared, and teach the boys not to be men to be afraid of. It's my job to show the boys that there is an alternative masculinity to what Andrew Tate prescribes.
If anyone wants a good YouTube male role model, I suggest John Green. I want more men who can recite Emily Dickinson and be open with their emotions in healthy ways.
There’s a flip side to this. And full disclosure, I’m a guy trying to be part of the solution.
The flip is that guys are assumed to be dangerous. That’s the default. And yeah, some guys are dangerous, but imagine if every time you met someone new they flinched back when you tried to shake their hand. Every. Single. Time. Would you continue to try to shake hands? Or would you shy away from meeting new people?
Now, obviously that example is an extreme. Virtually no one has that happen, but we see similar communicated all the time. Women crossing the street because they don’t want to walk in front of a guy. People suspicious of a man at a park just watching his kid. Etc.
I’m not saying women don’t have a right to feel nervous, or even that they are wrong to feel the way they do. I’m just pointing out that being treated like I could explode at any moment wears on my soul. And being told “this isn’t about you” really doesn’t change much about how it makes me feel.
That's a very real experience, and I have experienced that too. As a male teacher, I have often been seen with suspicion. As just a tall guy who has some self awareness, I can sense that I can be seen as a potential threat. It's exhausting.
But remember, it's not women's fault. It's the fault of asshole guys that bought into a shit idea of what masculinity is and taught women to be on guard.
The fact is the boys are not alright. They are being outperformed in school, and in all demographics except the elite, there is a drop in real wealth among men when women are climbing. This is especially true for men of color. If there is a failure of progressive change in the 2000s, it's not giving the boys a path forward beyond "no means no".
This sure sounds like an internalised version of "you're one of the good ones". It's cool man, don't let bigots gaslight you into feeling bad about your gender.
I'm not sure you're understanding the situation. Imagine if 1 out of 10 dogs you approached were aggressive, would you feel happy around dogs? Or would you protect yourself?
You're fully aware that women are taking actions are protecting themselves, so why are you taking this personally? Why not just be understanding?
Everything about the post was him talking about how he's understanding but it hurts us to be treated that way by default as well. Did you even fucking read it?
I don't think you read it. He is suggesting that women reacting to actual real danger is damaging to him. If he understood then it wouldn't be hurtful.
Do you get upset when a strange child is scared of you? Of course not, because you understand that new people are scary to children.
Would you say the same thing to a black person who felt similarly, but about their skin color?
Are you suggesting that black people are regularly attacking people? Because if not then it's not the same thing is it?
You’re saying men regularly attack people… but not black men? So it’s only white men that women are afraid of?
It's hilarious that you started this by saying you're 'trying to be part of the solution' but are then pretending you don't understand the issue at all.
If you want to be part of the solution then start by educating yourself.
It’s hilarious I tell you how I feel and you tell me I’m not only wrong, but need to educate myself before my feelings are correct. ¯_(ツ)_/¯
Some feelings come from prejudice. It's not saying that those feelings don't exist but they need to be looked at.
If you are upset at people having perfectly normal reactions to dangers in their environment then you need to look at those feelings and work on putting yourself in other peoples shoes.
… can you explain what my prejudice is? Because apparently I’m too dumb to understand and need to be educated.
Nothing worse than (gender, sex) giving their opinions on something.
male men
The people who come every day but Sunday to bring me bills?
The very same.
mlen (tbh I didn't wasn't sure which one to use here and didn't really want to start that discussion lol)
Mulan
Karl Malones
lol @ the schmucks feeling threatened by men giving their opinions or feel the need to preemptively post personal attacks.
How are you unsafe on the internet? Are you willingly giving out personal details to anyone messaging you? Is someone sending you DMs where they convince you to hit yourself? Or are you just worried about viruses?
Ah yes, the constant fear of being called a schmuck. Frequently confused with the constant fear of actually being a schmuck, the main difference being that the former is image-related, while the latter usually implies some form of self-awareness. Also sometimes confused with the fear of an actual attack instead of just name-calling, by people who are so sure they're right that they can't spend the two seconds to search for statistics.
Wow...whoosh.
There's no planet on which this response makes u look good.
I think @[email protected] expressed what I wanted to say better than I did. Yeah, calling you a schmuck was unnecessary. Sorry if that offended you, no really.
Clearly you've not yet read my book 'Angry Men Are A Myth: why everyone should stop telling me to get therapy'
Every copy comes with a discount code for 5% off a Thinking Mans Fedora!
Remeber kids, the best devil's advocates shop exclusively from NotAllMen LLC.
Thinking you don't look stupid mocking people for not appreciating sex-based stereotyping and assuming is the real "lol".
The extra dumb part is that the kind of guys in the first panel, are invariably not the same guys in the third panel, but the comic is desperate to 'expose' hypocrisy by pretending they are. That's another reason for the male frustration in here--it's all coming from 'first panel' guys, who all know they're not 'third panel' guys.
Ok, white knight.