[Outdated, please look at pinned post] Casual Conversation

That's the same thing

I know other people replied telling you already that this is exactly what the Op is taking about so I'll be a little more exact in my reply.

I've had this exact scenario happen to me two different times and with two different women when I was younger. One viewed me as someone they were interested in and one viewed me as a platonic friend amongst a group of friends.

The first one was the platonic friend. I took this as her trying to snuggle up to me when we were sitting next to each other on a couch and she flatly rejected my advance where I asked if she just wanted to snuggle so she could be more comfortable.

The second time a similar situation happened with a different group of friends at a party and instead of trying to reciprocate what I perceived the first time as a flirt, I opted to stand up and go sit on the bean bag chair so she could have more personal space. Much much later someone told me she was flirting with me and asked why I didn't try and snuggle with her. By the time they had told me this, she was no longer interested in me romantically. Presumably because I spurned her in front of everyone, much like the first person I mentioned did to me.

From then on I accepted that if I missed out on potential romantic opportunities because I didn't interpret a hint from a woman correctly then it was no great loss. They're clearly not a good match for someone like me who prefers clear and enthusiastic consent when entering into a physical relationship.

The first time I kissed my wife on our first date I asked her if I could kiss her. I've had multiple people tell me that it was lame to do or that I "should have just gone for it", but I preferred to be very direct with my intentions and make sure I'm not putting someone else in an awkward position where they're letting me kiss them because they're not comfortable plainly rejecting me.

Making the conscious decision to always be direct with my desires and potential love interests was one of the better choices I've made in my life. It allowed me to by myself without requiring "game or rizz". If the other person didn't respond positively then no big deal as we likely aren't compatible as potential partners.

TL;DR: Hints are fucking dumb.

Be open, speak plainly, and be direct. This isn't just something for people who fall on the spectrum. Pretending to be anything other than exactly who you are around the people you're most comfortable with is a silly game that will end up with you likely losing in the long term. You can't keep up your "first date persona" forever and eventually the real you will come out and they might not like who they see.