this post was submitted on 22 Mar 2024
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And there's some very hostile toxicity and insults.
Again...is this not the real you? Do you believe that?
Allow me to come in and analyze both of your conversations.
Firstly, I think you probably misinterpreted the "sweet summer child" thing. I think it is pretty lighthearted, but I do understand how it could come off condescending. You were the first to use an insult, though, for calling the person an ass.
On the other hand, the person also engaged in insult throwing, by calling you too fucking miserable to take something lightly.
Finally, do I think either of you would've thrown such tantrums in the real world over such a stupid issue? Absolutely not. Do I think both of you are complete assholes for being assholes to each other online, based on misinterpretation of tone? Also no. Would I talk like this in real life, butting into a conversation I'm not a part of, offering my opinion that nobody asked for, and generally being annoying? Also no.
Does it mean I'm annoying in real life? Probably still yes. But I also think that you are probably not both assholes IRL.
That’s not super fair to yourself - makes me realize we all have special privileges here… we’re all not part of 99% of conversations yet we’re all welcome to become a part of about 100% of conversations anyway.
BTW I think of our behaviors as drivers as somewhat analogous.
When was the last time somebody cut you off in traffic?
When was the last time somebody cut in front of you in a grocery store?
Spend an hour in traffic, spend an hour in a grocery store… experience entirely different parts of people. A cage (car) and removal from direct interaction (internet) both change our psychology ever so bigly.
I think you're right on the money in terms of relating the Internet to the car. It's so similar. Like, why am I calling the person in front of me an asshole for cutting me off? I've done that a million times to others. I'm just as bad as them. But because I can't see them and they can see me, I feel freer with my emotions and words. I think it's similar with communication on the Internet.
I'll be honest maybe it was a little lighthearted but... At the same time still condescending and there was no need for it in relation to my perfectly innocent opinion on this post. Especially when it comes down to it he clearly didn't understand my opinion because ' everyone is the hero of their own story' honestly completely fits with my point of ' people don't look at their online behavior has not actually being the real them.'
When people are complete assholes on the internet they feel justified. When people said death threats on Instagram they believe they were doing the right thing.
And I'll be honest... Yep. I behave like this in person too. If somebody's condescending to me I call them on it so... Yep. I would have behaved just like this in person.
Thank you for actually talking rationally about this though :)
I agree with you that people believe their death threats are justified, and probably aren't like "oh that's not me in real life."
But also, for me personally, I find it way easier to be an asshole online than in real life. I've definitely said things online (thrown insults, name-calling, etc) that I would never say in real life, and I would probably say, "that's not really who I am." But it is, because I said it. But it also isn't, because I was younger and dumber and more emotionally unregulated. Yes, it was still me who said it. But when you see someone's face, you see their expressions, their body language, you see them as a human rather than a username. And I understand for me, personally, that I'm more likely to be a dick behind a screen than to someone's face absolutely unconsciously, so I'll give someone else the benefit of the doubt there, as well.
In the end I would probably push back against the notion that we are always one person. We all should be capable of kindness and sternness, gentleness and seriousness, somberness and goofiness.
So in regards to your point, I absolutely would use that language in real life and no one I know would be offended by the words 'sweet summer child' unless maybe English was their second language. If EdibleFriend responded by getting in my face and calling me an ass and we weren't in public he would be on the floor very quick. And likely would if he said that to anybody. Analyze that how you will. The internet doesn't teach social skills.
I mean, I would also use sweet summer child in real life. I have. But people don't always know it's a joke, and I understand that. I certainly wouldn't deck them if they called me an ass, that seems a bit extreme. Probably would go on the verbal defensive, try to explain it was a joke, and feel bad that they took it the wrong way.
But if that's how you carry yourself through life, I can only say I feel bad for you that someone else's words would affect you so much as to prompt you to physically assault them. Just seems a bit silly, doesn't it.
Oh, you sweet summer child.
Careful, you're gonna be on the floor soon buddy 😠😠