this post was submitted on 03 Mar 2024
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Did it help at all to have someone understand where you're starting from and thus be able to congratulate you and give you praise for whatever small victories you had on your path to self improvement? I think therapists can be incredibly helpful when someone is trying to start from ground zero and just needs to hear a sincere "good job I am proud of you" for something as simple as passing up an opportunity to be an asshole.
For some people it might help, but for me it just felt silly to be praising simple "nonsense." Thankfully I don't have the issue of having to hold back from being a jerk unless it's directed at myself, then I can be a gigantic raging asshole. It's a big part of my "own worst enemy" issue lol
I like how you provided a perfect example of this earlier just prior in your comment. (Hope this comes off as a light hearted joke. If not I apologize in advance. :) )
Why do you feel your own accomplishments, no matter how meager are "nonsense"?
No need to apologize! I appreciate the concern anyway lol
There are some things I consider to be so "bare minimum" that it's just expected to be done. I'm imagining being congratulated for doing laundry or something, that's something bare minimum that needs to be done. In my example it could just be not beating myself up over something I failed at, it's not really something to praise it's just something you're supposed to do.
I do understand how hard it is for people with depression to want to do anything, or to change how they see themselves, but I just feel like a child for "getting a gold star" because I cleaned my apartment or something.
I'm sure it works for some people, but for me it felt condescending or something.
Why isn't people doing what they're supposed to do worthy of praise? Can you tell me about what things are worthy of praise? Have you dissected where the distinction lies between what is worthy of praise and what's "just something you're supposed to do"?
I read the above aloud to myself and I recognize it could potentially sound accusatory or disagreeable. I am not trying to change your mind here but I am curious about the underlying though process.
I guess I tend to see things as good, bad, or neutral and a lot of the "bare minimum" things fall into that neutral category. It's not good or bad, it's just what you're supposed to do, kind of like going to work. It's not worthy of praise that I went to work. I need money to live, they need labor, so I go to work and they pay me. It's not good or bad. Sure there are ethics involved the deeper you go like "it's bad to call out sick when you're not sick" so going to work is "good" if juxtaposed to that, but I think you could spend an eternity breaking things down more and more like that lol
Worthy of praise would be more "difficult," to keep with the work thing just doing my job isn't worthy of praise, but accomplishing something "more," maybe solving a problem or fixing something that's not the standard for your job would be worthy of praise.