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Is texting not a conversation, or is it just me? (self.adhd)

submitted 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago) by RememberTheApollo_ to c/adhd

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When texting people in general I find it frustrating that people don’t seem to view it as a conversation. If someone texts me and I catch it and text back right away, I get frustrated when people don’t return the favor. They might text back 5, 10, minutes or an hour or more later. Why did you text me if you didn’t want to have a conversation? Why am I the one sitting here waiting for a response?

It’s like someone sitting down across from at a table and asking you “Hey, how ya doin?” You respond “Great! what’s up?” and they just sit there for 10 minutes not saying anything.

Might be the whisper of ASD in my ADHD contributing to not understanding how this social interaction actually works vs how I think it should work.

Anyone else have this grinding their gears?

E: apparently it’s just me!

Thanks for the replies, everyone.

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[–] monkeyman512 5 points 9 months ago (1 children)

I remember this being covered in a college engineering class. It's an issue of synchronous vs asynchronous communication. In person, phone call, instant messaging are all synchronous with an expectation of a timely response. Email and text are asynchronous with an expectation of inconsistent and/or delayed response.

I know how I feel about a situation is often dictated by my expectations. Hopefully this is a useful mental model.

[–] alomsimoy 2 points 9 months ago

I believe that this is the key. Some people consider a text message syncronous and other asyncronous. I remember using text as some evolution of MSN messenger, and my friends did as well, so it was syncronous, but as time has passed and I'm more bussy, i now see it more like email, so asyncronous.

There are still times where both individuals are online and the asyncronous texting becomes syncronous, but it has become more the exception than the rule.