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Is texting not a conversation, or is it just me? (self.adhd)

submitted 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago) by RememberTheApollo_ to c/adhd

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When texting people in general I find it frustrating that people don’t seem to view it as a conversation. If someone texts me and I catch it and text back right away, I get frustrated when people don’t return the favor. They might text back 5, 10, minutes or an hour or more later. Why did you text me if you didn’t want to have a conversation? Why am I the one sitting here waiting for a response?

It’s like someone sitting down across from at a table and asking you “Hey, how ya doin?” You respond “Great! what’s up?” and they just sit there for 10 minutes not saying anything.

Might be the whisper of ASD in my ADHD contributing to not understanding how this social interaction actually works vs how I think it should work.

Anyone else have this grinding their gears?

E: apparently it’s just me!

Thanks for the replies, everyone.

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[–] TootSweet 5 points 9 months ago (1 children)

As someone who (I think it's probably fair to say) doesn't have ADHD (but possibly has something else diagnosable, though hasn't sought a diagnosis), I'll at least throw in my 2¢, just to explain why I don't usually immediately answer texts.

It's kindof... physically painful?... to know something's wanted from or expected of me. Social interaction (face-to-face, telephone, text, email, whatever) takes effort. I'd say I manage it quite well, but only by spending a lot of my time alone and completely not thinking about other people who I might possibly ever interact with. It's how I "recharge."

I don't often get or send texts. But if I get a text while in "not thinking about people" mode, that gives me a lot of anxiety. If I get a text while I'm in "adulting and socializing" mode (like while I'm working or out shopping or even just in the presence of or in a conversation with humans in any capacity), the text is the thing that always sinks to the bottom of my priority queue.

So, if I answer a text, it's probably going to be at the next point at which I'd otherwise be shifting contexts out of "socializing" mode and into "alone" mode. The end of the workday for instance.

That said, I basically never initiate text conversations. If I have a text conversation, it's someone else who intiated the conversation. So perhaps this doesn't quite fit your question. But also, as soon as I do respond, I remain responsive until the conversation ends.

Also, I'm a bit of a Luddite in general. So that might also have something to do with it.

[–] RememberTheApollo_ 2 points 9 months ago

I understand all of this. There are plenty of texts I just have a hard time engaging the gears to answer. I just don’t want to engage in that social interaction. I don’t not reply if in a conversation, though, where there is back-and-forth.