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What's intended is probably not "you only allow federation with one other instance" but rather "you have at least one user who actually subscribes to some other instance".
I'm not sure this is user dependent considering this is on the admin docs page. For users to subscribe to a community on another instance, that instances admin has to allow federation with the other instance.
I just feel like the bare minimum is not strict enough; you could theoretically have an almost fully defederated instance while still having a listing and potentially getting user sign-ups from the lemmy home site.
I could in theory create two such instances, federate only with one popular instance, get both listed, then only federate with each other. Completely diminishes the default experience users will have on signing up to my instances
Sure, but why would someone running a near-isolated instance want to list it there? They would just end up dealing with a lot of annoyed & disappointed users.
It comes across to me as a "your instance must be at least this tall to ride" policy, not a "you must federate with everyone we tell you to" policy.
Maybe they only want to deal with a specific niche. For example a university that only wants to federate with other academic organizations