this post was submitted on 09 Feb 2024
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ADHD
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A casual community for people with ADHD
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Every single day I think "today they'll finally realize what a hack I am" and that it's just a matter of time before an astute boss finally recogizes that I'm wasting the company's time and money.
Been there for 9 years now, but the feeling never, ever goes away. I doubt it's impostor syndrome . I'm pretty sure it's good ol' incompetence in my case.
Yeah, I feel weird about "imposter syndrome" cause sometimes I know I'm genuinely doing a bad job, forgetting important things, or fucking soemthing up and causing me / others a bunch of stress. But I'm also aware that there are somethings I do well, that not everyone else does, but because they're easy for me I don't value them as much as the things I wanted to do right but screwed up anyway.
Something that sometimes helps, and sometimes just disturbs me, is that I think about all my colleagues who are (mostly) "neurotypical" and how often they make stupid mistakes and fuck ups because they are old and computer illiterate, busy with other commitments, slow, or just apathetic. When I spend four hours getting angry at myself until I can manage to finally spend 5 minutes to send an important but straightforward email... Well, it's obvious that I'm useless / terrible. But what the hell are all these other supposedly competent people doing? Because often they're as behind with things as I am. Or doing shit job of a presentation because they can't be bothered rather than because they only have twenty minutes left before the big meeting.