this post was submitted on 08 Feb 2024
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I was diagnosed at 5 and kinda wish I hadn’t been.
I’ve spent my whole life knowing this is why, and having “the tools to fix it” but they never actually helped fix it. I took myself off meds from 13-34 (and managed to get a degree in that time, but never stable employment) because I didn’t think they helped, and at 34 I used them about 6 months to see if it was better.. it isn’t, so I just feel like an extra lazy piece of shit who can’t even function with meds.
So I get this really fun dual disappointment that not only have I not managed to overcome something I’ve always known about, I also can’t find things that help when other people find such relief.
Idk if this will help you process it all a bit better but more often than not the medication needs dialed to your specifics. They'll hit you with broad dosages that need to be fine tuned over a lengthy period of time.
That's why it feels like the medications aren't working most of the time. Because the dosage may not be correct for your body specifically.
This is something I've struggled with myself. The constant fight of "do I quit taking them entirely and just raw dog life, or do I keep going through the motions until we happen to get the right cocktail"
Maybe you already knew that but I hope it helps you realize why it's such a struggle.
Thanks, I appreciate you taking the time to write that out. Unfortunately it doesn’t seem to be a matter of finding a dose that works, hence the 6 month period as a cognizant adult. I wanted to see if it was any different than when I was young.
I was on a wicked high dose as a kid that I basically never came down from (my docs wouldn’t even give me that high a dose as an adult). They just kept dialing it up and up because it wasn’t really helping. That’s a big part of why I took myself off it at 13. The side effects were so bad I struggled to eat for years. As an adult I played with various meds and strengths and found them to be not very effective, but with highly unpleasant side effects, similar to when I was young. And I think I understand why they didn’t work as a kid, too.. they do give me some ability to concentrate, but exclusively on stuff I shouldn’t be focused on. It basically amplifies the bad habits, rather than helping fix them. I do still use them occasionally on my off days, when it doesn’t matter what I get done as long as it’s something, but they aren’t a useful tool in daily life.
I don’t know why it’s that way, but at this point I’ve spent so much of my life not using it, and finding so very little positive value from it when I do, that I’m not willing to jump through all the hoops in hopes that some whacky combo will hit right 4 years from now. I don’t have the energy to do all that when I have other things that need that energy more urgently. Sucks, but it is what it is I guess.
Thank you for sharing so much detail. I was diagnosed at 40. Fortunately for me the first drug (concerta) they tried worked really well and it took about 6mos to find the right dosage. Boy is too much readily apparent!
My daughter was diagnosed at 21, and it took a year for her. Same doc, started with same med and she was at double the dose I am at and it just wasn’t working right. Switched her to something else (sorry can’t remember exactly) and this one works WAY better for her.
I will go of it for a few days every month or so just to “reset” (doing this on my own feeling, doc didn’t tell me to do this) because it feels like the dose is just a touch too high but the next dose down is way too low. It’s been quite a game changer for me.
The medicine might not work for you either. Ritalin and it's derivatives dont work on me, but Adderall/vyvanse does (if I can manage to take a high enough dose, but it cranks my heart rate up).