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What's a good and non patronising way to help my neighbour out (self.asklemmy)

submitted 10 months ago by Noedel to c/[email protected]

42 comments fedilink hide all child comments

My neighbour has a cat called Stevie. Stevie hangs out with us a lot and we look after him when my neighbour is away.

Yesterday we found Stevie very unwell in our garden. We took him to the neighbour and she immediately rushed him to the vet.

She mentioned the vet was 200 dollars which was a big unexpected expense for her. Her son's birthday is on Monday and she won't be able to do anything for his birthday now.

My wife and I are fortunate enough for 200 dollars to not be a lot of money for us and we want to help, but I'm unsure how.

One option would be that we leave her a little card with 100 dollars and write that we wanted to help because we care about Stevie too.

Another idea is we ask her to do some gardening for us (that's her job, and we're too busy to do it ourselves right now).

I don't want her to feel patronised or awkward about any of this... Happy to take insights.

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[–] [email protected] 47 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (1 children)

Just be up front. Tell her how much you appreciate both her, and Stevie. Tell her since it's still so close to the holiday season, you hope she'll accept a holiday gift, on Stevie's behalf. Hand her the envelope, with the card and money. Let her do the typical "are you sure? you shouldn't..." and just insist, that you want her to have it. It's highly unlikely to go the wrong way.

EDIT: I personally wouldn't be the one to suggest a work trade, up front. That takes a "thoughtful gift" into the "charity" zone. If she offers however, then you can graciously accept.

[–] Noedel 7 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Yeah I don't want to make our relationship murky by expecting her to work for me and get paid for it. Especially because we already help each other out with minor things anyway

[–] [email protected] 4 points 10 months ago

“$200 is easy for me and hard for you right now. It sure would make my day if you’d let me give you $200”

“I don’t know if I can pay you back”

“How about next time you’re up and I’m down, you can help me out. I know you would anyway”