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For the last year, maybe more, I’ve had a pain in my side. I originally thought, “Well, fuck. I’m overdue for kidney stones. I must be a tougher bastard than I thought, because my grandpa and uncle are huge tough men who were reduced to toddlers over this.”

It went away for a couple months and recently came back. It got hard to sit down if I’d been standing and hard to stand if I’d been sitting (but not so hard that I’m crippled or anything). That has changed recently from this dull hollow ache to this kind of sharp pain like something went from swollen to withered. It isn’t something that is putting me out of commission, it just sucks.

On top of that my mouth was hurting every morning, now it’s most of the day. I thought it might be my wisdom tooth, but I should have periods that are pain free. I took antibiotics that my friend was prescribed before she had work done to see if that would help if there was infection. It didn’t.

I’m gonna have to bite the bullet and go to the doctor soon.

If I’m dealing with serious issues, I don’t know if it would be better to kick the bucket and spare my family or deal with the nightmare of bills and travel and loss of my meager income. At least if I die, they can get social security checks to keep them afloat until my lady finds a good man. She’s a spectacular woman and she definitely deserves better than me.

It sucks that our health is a for profit system. It’s hard to trust anyone who is out for money.

I have a friend with ulcerative colitis. Her insurance company didn’t want to pay for the only medicine that has worked for her and now she’s relying on a charity to pay for the meds.

What a fucking joke. I’m almost rebellious enough to get a tattoo that says, “haha, tell the doctors and pharmaceutical companies that they didn’t get shit from this corpse” and just die and have a shirtless funeral and encourage people to take pictures and post time online.