this post was submitted on 30 Nov 2023
258 points (93.6% liked)
General Discussion
12041 readers
66 users here now
Welcome to Lemmy.World General!
This is a community for general discussion where you can get your bearings in the fediverse. Discuss topics & ask questions that don't seem to fit in any other community, or don't have an active community yet.
πͺ About Lemmy World
π§ Finding Communities
Feel free to ask here or over in: [email protected]!
Also keep an eye on:
For more involved tools to find communities to join: check out Lemmyverse!
π¬ Additional Discussion Focused Communities:
- [email protected] - Note this is for more serious discussions.
- [email protected] - The opposite of the above, for more laidback chat!
- [email protected] - Into video games? Here's a place to discuss them!
- [email protected] - Watched a movie and wanna talk to others about it? Here's a place to do so!
- [email protected] - Want to talk politics apart from political news? Here's a community for that!
Rules
Remember, Lemmy World rules also apply here.
0. See: Rules for Users.
- No bigotry: including racism, sexism, homophobia, transphobia, or xenophobia.
- Be respectful. Everyone should feel welcome here.
- Be thoughtful and helpful: even with βsillyβ questions. The world wonβt be made better by dismissive comments to others on Lemmy.
- Link posts should include some context/opinion in the body text when the title is unaltered, or be titled to encourage discussion.
- Posts concerning other instances' activity/decisions are better suited to [email protected] or [email protected] communities.
- No Ads/Spamming.
- No NSFW content.
founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
view the rest of the comments
How odd. As a nonsexual person, I've never had sexual tension get in the way of any sort of communication from anyone, whatever their sex/gender. So in that regard I guess I have a slight advantage over other sexual people.
But at the same time I've just always wanted to know what that feels like. What is it like? How does it get in the way? How does it affect your interactions with others and cause conflict? What do you feel?
Imagine you could only have one friend for the rest of your life. If you don't find one then you will be left alone.
For many, that's a important decision, so they are always attentive to potential friend candidates. You don't want to humiliate yourself in front of them, so you shy away. You want to show them that you are good friend candidates, you try to show off. Someone else is a good friend candidates, you feel insecure. Someone gets angry at you because you were apparently showing off without realising it and feel threatened.
Its a competition that your body compels you to participated, and it gets exhausting at time.
Now add "and make babies", remove being able to verbalize this, and you got sexual desire.
It should be noted do, intensity varies from person to person. Those that have it set too high cause problems to themselves and others.
It gets in the way by you having great times with your bestie, joking around, being open and chill. Then something, maybe one of you, maybe something external, triggers the old lizard brain. "Hey", your brain goes. "You know, this is great. They are great. This would be a great person for reproduction and this a great time for the horizontal fandango!". But this is your bestie, this is not why you're here. Your conscious brain does not want to do the sexy sex with them but your primal urges do. You're in a state of conflict in your brain, trying to rid yourself from one of those essential parts of your very being. What is worse, they have either triggered on the same thing or picked up something subconsciously and they are in the same state. Instead of being all relaxed and fun and open, you are both self conscious and stiff and trying to play it off. And you hate every second of it.
I've had a few friendships with this tension, some became relationships, in my experience some issues can be changing behaviors because I don't want them to think I'm trying to get with them, like fewer compliments when I would others, or there can be a subtle sort of jealousy if they are interested in someone else. Or vice-versa, I might think things they do are signs of attraction and not friendship and so feel mixed about reciprocating unless I want to pursue a relationship.
I can give you a little insight. I'm not sure if these comparisons will hit home or not, but I'll try.
If you order food somewhere and the server brings you something extra, or a mistake is made and they let you keep it....do you feel a small, tiny swell of specialness?
When you make a joke to a group of friends and one of them really is enthusiastic about it and laughs a whole lot or tells you that it was a really funny joke to them, do you feel a warmness and or specialness?
Do you feel a secret little spike of maybe I'm a lil bit more special than these people around me right now?
If this kinda rings a bell for you, try amplifying mentally by like a hundred fold...that specialness with a person you are sexually compatible with seems flirty if they appear to be treating you special. If it is true or not doesn't really affect the feeling that springs up in your soul. That's the clouded judgement. It's like chasing a dragon when you feel that someone thinks your special. That's a high feeling.
Fwiw, my fiance was my best friend before we were together. She happened to be on the same wavelength as me when it all was going down.