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I realized why I like friendships with lesbians (self.general)

submitted 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago) by whaleross to c/general

39 comments fedilink hide all child comments

I'm a middle aged heterosexual man and I've been in various circles in my life where I've had lesbian friends and acquaintances. I was just thinking how much I've appreciated those interactions and how I currently miss having lesbians around me. Not because we stopped being friends, mind you, but due to my dynamic life and me being shit at staying in touch I've floated away from people that I appreciate.

Anyway, then I started thinking why is that? Am I fetishizing lesbians, craving what I can't get etc? I like women who are confident so is it a sexual or psychosexual thing? It made me a bit worried because that does not sound very nice, Freud and mothers and all that jazz... But then I realized that this is not why.

It's because they don't act and treat me like a man, like a male person, like a sexuality - but that for them I'm 100% a person. If I'm entertaining or funny or interesting, it's because I am entertaining or funny or interesting. No interference from deep rooted primate reproductive brain behaviour, and at the rare occasion it's popped up, it's something we can play off and dismiss.

Even though I have and always had women friends, it's a different thing. Regardless our relationship, I'm always a man. It's inescapable. My friendships with lesbians have always had this special vibe. It's like what I'd imagine a good sibling be like, but I wouldn't know because I'm a lone child.

Yeah, I miss that vibe.

Edit: thanks autocorrect

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[–] quotheraven404 21 points 11 months ago (1 children)

The reverse has been true and openly discussed for ages, there's a reason the "sassy gay best friend" is such a trope in shows and movies made for female viewers. A decent percentage of our conversations with friends has to do with our attraction to or problems with our desired gender, so being able to commiserate with someone that has the same preferences also encourages these friendships. There's just an extra layer of relatability that hetero mixed gender friendships don't. It would be odd to point at a stranger while out with a heterosexual female friend and say "look at that chick, isn't she hot?" Your friend could potentially think you're trying to say that if she were more like that chick then maybe you'd want to date her. Even saying something like "women are crazy" has a very different tone when said by a man to a straight woman.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 11 months ago (1 children)

I'm a straight man and I'd also be deeply uncomfortable if a friend of mine just randomly asked me if a random woman passing by is hot. It's a weird thing to randomly ask.

I'd be even more uncomfortable with ANYONE(including women) saying something as generalized as "women are crazy". Screw the "different tone" BS, there is NO tone you can say that in with a straight face where it's not at least a little misogynistic, and a LOT of tones you can say it in where it is SUPER misogynistic.

[–] 1847953620 10 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago)

You're deeply uncomfortable with other men being open about attraction banter with you? To each their own, but it's not necessarily a virtue.