this post was submitted on 29 Nov 2023
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[–] Phanlix 32 points 1 year ago (3 children)

Dude for real. A cheap bidet attachment for your toilet is the way to go.

First off, a bidet is better than toilet paper. I've been using it for years, and it cleans you 100%. I use basically 1 square of TP to dry myself after, and it's always completely clean. If you had a bird shit on your arm would you just wipe it off with paper and call it a day?

I laughed at all my friends who made fun of me for getting one on all my toilets after the great TP shortage of 2021, and a few of them ended up switching over.

For the apocalypse I have a camping toilet with a foot operated bidet. I mean I already use it when car camping, and I have a hand bidet for backpacking.

Solar panels are also in play. I also bought a freeze dryer and have about 5 deers worth of freeze dried jerky, and buy and freeze dry on sale fruit and veggies pretty regularly. I try to maintain around a 1-2 year supply of on hand food. A few steel plates, ar-15 pistol, and enough ammo to hold off the upper floor for quite a while too, but that's another conversation. I'm as ready to go as I can though, let's do this.

[–] Mbourgon 13 points 1 year ago (4 children)

Is there a trick I’m missing? Spray my butthole for 30 seconds and I need pretty much as much TP, actually more because the first batches get wet.

[–] [email protected] 21 points 1 year ago

No, but realistically the argument that bidets are better for the environment is kind of shit anyway.

You do it for a clean butthole. For a guy like me with a pair of legs belonging to a werewolf, you might end up wiping more but the end result is a clean ass without taking a shower. Worth.

[–] Phanlix 7 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

If your stream is at the max setting that's comfortable and you move around a bit and make sure to get the whole area I've got nothing for you other than a recommendation to up the fiber in your diet.

I did get a nicer one that can just about peel the skin off on the highest setting, but even the lower quality one I have on the main bathroom downstairs gets me completely clean. I do tend to use it longer than 30 seconds, I'm pretty thorough about the rinse process.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 11 months ago

I've now used japanese style ones and Indonesian style ones and I can say people might be talking about different types. The Japanese style ones that just shoot a water fountain at your butt are fanvy, but I found I still needed to wipe. Indonesian hose style? That fucker will blast all the shit off your ass with just the water

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago

I just use like 2 squares of toilet paper first to mostly dry myself, then like 3-4 to make sure I'm completely wiped. I'm not hairless down there either and that usually works for me.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 year ago (1 children)

A cheap bidet attachment is only good in areas with warm water. The tap water here is ice cold in winter.

[–] [email protected] 16 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I still blast icy cold water in the winter. My butthole isn't picky

[–] llamapocalypse 22 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Adds another dimension to your username for sure

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 year ago

LMFAO fantastic

[–] Branch_Ranch 3 points 1 year ago
[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 year ago (2 children)

I’m thinking we set up our cooperative farm/compound in Anchorage. It’s gorgeous, and one of the places least likely to be affected by climate change disasters.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Canadians might still pose a problem, tho. Be sure to stock on bottle caps

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago

Not with my best in class armor, and arsenal of 500 mini nukes that I definitely did NOT acquire in the magic cheat room.

[–] Phanlix -1 points 1 year ago (2 children)

You have no idea the temptation I have to do just that. A satellite connection and a remote job for income and I'd be good. A family member is up in Alaska already, he's got a plot of land with a natural gas deposit that wasn't large enough or near enough to a populated area for the US gov to care about. So they've got it tapped and have a pretty ideal setup. They bought my grandfather's tractor a while ago an old restored 1912 John Deere.

I do enjoy the comforts of living near everything. I'm not sure I could give up having 100s of restaurants to choose from and a dozen or more grocery stores in a 10 mile radius. Or the specialty delis, high speed gigabit, and other comforts of civilization.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago

Learn to cook and how to read books. I would envy that situation.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 11 months ago

One of my peers works in a very remote area of BC (Americans: BC is in another country and it borders Alaska's south tip) in unionized IT via starlink. Think: the major highway going past it is two-lane.

  • quiet
  • hard work
  • no commute
  • land
  • pension (50% fo life after 25)
  • biking
  • hiking
  • backyard camping is camping

But:

  • fucking prepper tourists
  • sometimes the power dumps
  • you wanna see what's outside before going out to the garage.

Remember: nature doesn't care about you and we've only been pissing her off for 50 years.