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'Scripture is very clear': New House Speaker tells Congress God has 'ordained' them (www.alternet.org)

submitted 10 months ago by seaQueue to c/nottheonion

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Republican Speaker of the House Mike Johnson, in his first remarks after being elected Wednesday afternoon, told Members of Congress that “Scripture” and “the Bible” are clear that they have been “ordained” by God.

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[–] Drivebyhaiku 2 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Ah well, half right. I definitely have a husband but am also not a woman so I think I am probably disqualified from discourse on other stupid rules that Paul completely made up.

You got any extra bacon to share though?

[–] afraid_of_zombies 1 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Ah well, half right. I definitely have a husband but am also not a woman

Bad news about that. He singled out the LGBT freaken twice for hell fire. Lived in a world where slaves could be executed on a whim and this is the group he decided to go after.

You got any extra bacon to share though?

I would but Paul told me I would die if I didn't give him all my bacon.

[–] Drivebyhaiku 1 points 10 months ago

Funny how there isn't actually a hell in the whole book. I mean it mentions a parable but Gehenna is just a real place on earth where they disposed of trash. No mention of burning eternally, just burning the once and then done. Not so bad really. You'd have to be one of those pagan bastards who believe in like Hades or Nifelheim to believe someone would be tortured eternally after they die if we just go with the main book and not all centuries of later fanfic add ons...

Also depending on whether or not all that "washing of feet" was as potentially euphemistic as the phrase is used in other places in the book Jesus probably banged a whole lot of dudes at his big party.

Paul as a pretty obvious sex repulsed asexual wasn't big on anybody banging anybody. He was like "If you really have to then like... Just your wife I guess but even then ew."