I've been slowly, but steadily collecting more and more people to miss, Watching my finances get worse and worse. My body is starting to fall apart. My life is boring, lonely and grueling. Every time I take a step forward in one area I take a step back in all the others. Therapy has been worse than useless, loved ones stop caring eventually, casual friends just disappear into the ether without a trace.

I wish I hadn't gotten "lucky" during my previous suicide attempts, because I definitely can't try that anymore. I wish someone could just do it for me, without me ever expecting it.

But your 30s are supposed to be easier. More stable. It's hard to believe that'll be the case for me, going into them with no connection to my past, no money, no marketable skills.

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[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Yes. My 30s were probably the best time of my life. I was pretty lost at your age as well, had just been laid off from a good job for the second time through no fault of my own, was struggling to pay a mortgage that I eventually ended up letting go to foreclosure.

In my 30s, I kind of found myself. I met the best group of friends I've ever had in my life. I was finally physically healthy enough to do a ton of shit, working, partying, traveling.

Now, in my late 40s, things have gotten better and worse. I'm WAY more secure psychologically. The last fuck I had to give about what other people think about my appearance and my personal preferences is long gone. I have no fear remaining. I finally have a career I love (went back to college at age 38). The foreclosure lapsed and I bought another house that I love. Physically I struggle. At some point I developed something like Long Covid, but before Covid existed. With treatment I'm able to work and care for my house, but not do as many things as I feel like I "should" be able to do, which is disappointing at my age.

But overall, yes, my life has gotten much better with age.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago

Around that 30 age, had a year off after a major burnout, still without a job and slowing drowning in debt. Luckily I have family who can support me for a little while.

Therapy helped a lot in my case and I'm confident enough in my design skills to learn new things and looking out for jobs again.

Overall I still do feel my life is getting better with age. Right now it's just low on money but secure mentally.

[–] cashews_best_nut 2 points 1 year ago (1 children)

You give me hope. Though I'm unsure how the fuck to make friends at 40 in a new city. :/

Well, I guess I KNOW (Meetup, groups, etc) but I'm just...scared to death? I have a similar attitude to you wrt not giving two fucks what people think of me right up until the possibility friendship could develop. Then I turn into a shambles of fear and self-loathing.

I visited an old college friend at the beginning of the month and my depression lifted so fucking fast it made me realise it's all rooted in loneliness. If I could go out occasionally and visit friends I'd be a completely different person. Instead I just stew at home and feel miserable.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

Well, in my case, I sobered up, joined a church, went to nursing school, and bought a house in a new neighborhood. Between those things, the friends found me. So you never know. Join a group, do some things, see what shakes out.