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Does your kid never return texts? (self.parenting)

submitted 1 year ago by FlyingSquid to c/parenting

35 comments fedilink hide all child comments

Assuming they're old enough to have a phone, obviously.

I have to send my daughter reminders to do things all the time because she's extremely forgetful. She's not annoyed by that, she's asked me to do it. And whenever I send her one, I get a read receipt and no reply. And I've told her a bunch of times that it's rude to not reply to texts like that, but she keeps doing it.

It's driving me crazy. She's a good kid, but why doesn't she return texts?!

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[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Isn’t doing the thing the proper response? The difference here is, in person, I can say “okay” while I am executing the action. With digital communication I have to stop and do something.

Our difference in communication expectations highlights that others do not share your perspective. You’re going to have the most success if you talk to your daughter about communication expectations. She has one set, you have another. Together you need to agree on mutual expectations. Think about what really matters (is it the reminder? Is it the resolution? Is it the acknowledgement?).

Also it sounds like you’re being your daughter’s calendar or planner. There are apps that might remove you from the equation so you don’t have this friction.

[–] FlyingSquid -1 points 1 year ago (1 children)

She's only 13. She's not good with a calendar. We're working on it.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago (1 children)

The important thing is a conversation about communication expectations. You went to the internet to complain about a difference in communication expectations without having that conversation with her first.

If you don’t like the way she handles texts, you can set up a calendar with notifications that function similarly to texts for her since you’re already doing that. That requires zero input on her part, just the app set up on her phone.

[–] FlyingSquid 0 points 1 year ago (1 children)

It was a minor irritation. I didn't expect anyone to take it so seriously.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago

I can respect that!

The toxic attitude that every single piece of digital communication requires a response is a serious pet peeve of mine, which is why I did. Extend your attitude to, say, online dating which is probably a reality for someone your daughter’s age. She doesn’t have to respond to everything that comes her way. That’s terrible. Extend your attitude to, say, workplace communication. This is a serious problem that leads to burnout and analysis paralysis. Communication has drastically changed and continuing to teach people “you have to respond to everything” is a conservative belief that does not fit with current attention demands.