WASHINGTON—In an effort to address voters hurt by recent actions that resulted in her being thrown out of a theatrical performance, Rep. Lauren Boebert (R-CO) announced Friday that she would personally jerk off any constituents she offended. “In the past week, I’ve heard from many supporters who were concerned by my behavior in recently released footage, which is why I’m offering to make things good between us by jacking you off,” said Boebert, instructing supporters to contact her office with proof of Colorado residency and she would personally travel to their home to deliver an on-the-house tugjob. “As a disclaimer, I will be wearing a latex glove and you need to wipe yourself off afterwards. I’m not going to do that. I’m serious about making amends, however, so feel free to rest your hand on my breasts, if necessary. Just know that this a one week only deal. So get in touch soon.” At press time, Boebert also warned her constituents that she planned to vape the entire time.
The problem isn't the sluttiness, it's the hypocracy and doing it in public that's the issue. If this were actually real, I don't think many Democrat voters would mind it, but conservative voters would. That's the issue. She votes and speaks to prevent consenting adults from doing what they want, yet she does what she did in public.
"Hypocrisy" is one of the 19 things she could be called out for. That's not what the joke is here in this article. The joke is that she's a slut.
I think she is the joke, actually.