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I think of a friend of mine. He smiles freely and largely among friends, he acknowledges his feelings but doesn’t get consumed by them inappropriately, and in turn he acknowledges others’ feelings. He’s quick to praise, but not afraid to disagree or expand upon something someone else said. He also does what he wants sincerely and excitedly whether it’s starting a lecture series or putting on a flute recital as a man in his 40s.
I suppose it’s the vulnerability that impresses me. He’s vulnerable enough to voice hope, to be sincere; to try and succeed or fail know that we care.
And as for your spoiler, porn is fine when ethically produced, but going to porn for emotional intimacy is like going to vodka for food. It’s not a good substitute for what you’re missing or a good use for what you’re using. Go to social events/hobby groups and start making friends, that’s what you’re missing