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Shots fired. (lemmy.world)

submitted 11 months ago by BonesOfTheMoon to c/[email protected]

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[–] [email protected] 195 points 11 months ago (28 children)

Ignoring the obvious joke, she doesn't display any of Jesus's qualities. Is she gentle, caring, and compassionate? Does she humbly serve the poor and the disadvantaged? Does she forgive her enemies and bless those who oppose her? Does she sacrifice for the benefit of others!?

I'm a Christian and while I don't know for certain, I believe God knows the heart. But I don't expect to see her in Heaven...

[–] [email protected] 91 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago) (17 children)

she doesn't display any of Jesus's qualities

Disagree.

She has long hair. Ok, not specified in the bible, but it's canon at this point.

Also the episode of Jesus whoring at the theatre... Wait what is this bible?

[–] [email protected] 25 points 11 months ago (3 children)

For a moment I really thought there was something in the bible that could be seen as Jesus "whoring at the theater"

[–] lars 13 points 11 months ago (1 children)

If US Christians are making it up as they go and seeing whatever they wanna see in the Bible, then I call upon you, my child, to announce your submission to the Parable of Jesus the Whore of the Theater and the Christ.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 11 months ago (1 children)

I'll wait for a good uncensored chatbot to write me a seemingly truthful story about exactly that. I wonder how many people would believe it if I just showed them

[–] lars 6 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Me and Jesus await with ’bated breath.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 11 months ago (1 children)

I wonder what he'd say about fanfics concerning him

[–] lars 1 points 11 months ago

Despite Him having:

known you’d be born in ≈2000 years
known He was dying for sins He defined and you commit, which He also knew and did nothing to prevent
having had the audacity to whine to His Dad when He unal*ved both a God and Himself in an act of auto‑sui‑dei‑but-also-somehow-fili‑cide-by-cop by and through the innocent hands of local law enforcement, our boys in blue, whom I still salute when I’m driving, and while those closest to Him, who were Jewish, could do nothing but listen to the moaning you are responsible for, but which He chose to endure
been surprised that His dad forgot about Him,

I believe He’d be surprised if there weren’t Oily/Annointed/Christ Josh/Jesus fanfics of a charismatic 33-year-old, may peace be upon Him, taking it both ends, my son.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Might be in one of the Gnostic gospels.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 11 months ago

Brawndon 6:4-7 And thus went Big J to the theatre, for Pagliacus was in town. But when the spectacle started, Jesus was overcome by the lust of whoring. And so it came to pass that he was brought to the tribunal for indecent exposure, and whoring, and petty theft and also grand theft auto, bribery, and contempt, and illegal possession of firearms, and possession and sale of drugs, and illegal possession of a dangerous animal.

[–] killeronthecorner 1 points 11 months ago

Try posting it on Facebook. Your religious friends will be sharing it as hard facts by dinner.

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