So I started talking to this guy in November. I really like him and he says the same. We are long distance of 7 hours so it’s not so so bad and we see each other here and there when he’s down here for work. Anyways… lately I’ve been feeling self - conscious and scared of him being bored / abandoning me. I had a bad past with my ex (he would compare me to other girls towards the end of our relationship and tell me he’s watching twerking lives to my face). And I’ve had anxious detachment relationships with my dad as we used to fight and not talk a lot so these feelings stem from trauma.
Anyways long story short. I obviously looked through his following. Nothing bad. He was following this one Instagram famous girl who post like thirst pics and whatever (boobs popping out, tongue out, etc) super gorgeous but the photos know what they r doing lol. Anyways, she was live and I joined and I said haha my man follows you. Take in, he liked her picture 2 days ago and it upset me because I don’t look anything like her and he wasn’t even liking my own stories. How do I have other men liking my stories but not him?! Lol. Anyways, I told her that she’s like oh eww girl lemme block him for you. I was surprised and I’m like sure lol. I told her if she can just remove him from her followers list and she did. She and her other viewers were telling me to see if he follows her back because then he’s noticing it. I feel so toxic that I’ve done this and so grossed out from myself. Oh btw, she said he would always text her and send her memes and say she looks good. But she said the last time he did that was November which is when we started talking so it’s fine I guess. But I don’t follow any men who post stuff like that so I found it so annoying that he liked the picture when it should’ve reminded him to unfollow her lol. Maybe I’m just mentally ill.
We also haven’t been talking as much the last couple days because when I found out I felt so gross and then I broke down to him (I didn’t tell him) about how I’m scared of the future and what will happen (I’m seeing him in two days and he said we will talk about it in person) but not texting all day until night (work stuff for him lol) is taking a toll of me . But it’s only temporarily as he’s down here for work but whatever. I get people have lives.
I just feel like I give so much of myself and my happiness, even faking it all the time, to not feel it in return. It feels like men r so interested at first but then they think ur so wrapped around their finger that they can start showing u less attention.
But he is a great guy and he hasn’t done anything wrong except that unless im just crazy. But he does treat me good. I might’ve got too vulnerable with him, he got me flowers and I cried like…. And when he told me to my eyes how much he loves spending time with me and it makes him happy i cried too because im not used to those things and hearing those words. Maybe that was a mistake
That’s true yea.. I mean the girl said he used to message her sending her memes and saying she looks good but if he’s with me I’d expect him to atleast unfollow her?? But at the end of the day, she’s famous and she didn’t even follow him back so I shouldn’t think too hard but I feel like I’m so turned off for some reason now. And yea I mean I still watch porn lol but that’s not a big issue to me. He has problems getting hard when we do it which makes me question if he’s thinking about something else but he gets mad when this happens to him lol.
Holy toxic Batman!
It could be him not being present/thinking of someone else, or it could be any of a wide number of other reasons. Shit happens and sometimes people's parts don't cooperate.
You should be aware that there are many reasons why a guy cannot get hard. Being dehydrated, for instance, makes it really difficult to stay erect. Many guys can get pretty insecure about it, so his reaction sounds about right.
I would recommend that you not blame him for not getting hard. It just happens sometimes and that's just something that you two will have to work around
No no I don’t blame him. I don’t really care. I told him I don’t care and I don’t mind at all. And that I like it soft 😭😂 he understands that I understand and that is the least of my worries. I just have to focus on stopping being so jealous. I haven’t felt this affection towards someone since my ex that’s why I’m so triggered. I had a FWB before him and we would see other guys too because we weren’t dating but I never felt this way(jealousy) because I didn’t like him on that type of level
I mean, if it's a typical account on the web, it's more like a performance? Much like any porn actress (these accounts are ultimately softcore porn wanting to sell you their hardcore stuff) it's an act, it's in the name.
Comparing yourself with an actress never sits quite right with me. Plus we only ever see the small acting part of the person. If you listen to podcasts, Holly Randall's interviews with various porn actresses and actors has some fascinating insights into the parts we don't see, and like and actor or actress they're not at all the people they appear to be.
And I gotta ask... if it weren't softcore porn, would it be weird for your partner to be following an actress, and/or being acquainted to them?
This is something you need to talk about. To guys it can be utterly damaging to their ego, it's less about being mentally not there, but about discussing openly why it happens. After all, it could be anything. It could be nervousness. It could be that he enjoys things differently, and maybe you do, too. It could be medical. It could be circumstantial (e.g. my current partner cannot become horny after dinner for a while, that's just how it is 😅, body too focused on digestion).
It's impossible to say, but it's also really not something to sweep under the rug or belittle. And this is not meant to sound accusatory, it would not be something to sweep under the rug if it's on your side either.
Talk about it. Discuss sexy and non-sexy things. Details. Kinks. Planning out sex feels weird at first, but it's sooooo freeing when you openly know every little detail that gets your partner hornier, and you can totally play them, and importantly you also know they'd let you know the moment they want something different.