this post was submitted on 11 Feb 2025
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I still don't get why people have such an issue calling people what they want to be called.
You don't balk at a guy or a girl named Robin, or Alex, or any of a hundred different androgynous names....
But you take issue with "he", "she", and "them"?
Why?
My only problem, and to be clear this is entirely my problem, nobody else's, is that I'm so dumb, I frequently forget and call someone he/she when they prefer they/them. I fuck it up sometimes. I try, but decades of societal norms are getting in the way of me getting it right sometimes.
To every person who identifies as they/them please forgive me because I'm going to screw it up. Just correct me when I say it and hopefully in time my brain will stop making this mistake.
Because a bunch of bad faith actors have been carefully building an outrage-generating cash machine on the idea of 'culture wars' for decades.
Culture war, race war, nationalism wars....
As long as it's not a class war, they're okay with it.
Normally I’m the type to wax philosophical for a few paragraphs about what the heck may be going on in their heads, but honestly I think it’s assholes being proud to be assholes. Punching down just feels so good. That and people who are suffering enough that they don’t care about others, but don’t realize they need to work on their mental health. Or they’ve been conditioned to see doing that as a character flaw or weakness. And of course the snowball effect of those people raising the next generation of assholes, building up some inertia behind the generational trauma.
Because underlying it all, regardless of which impactful arguments they think they are making or refuting, they just don’t want to be nice to people that are different.
Fair enough. I honestly just think they can't see the forest because of all the trees in the way.
They'll cry foul on someone insisting on being called by they/them pronouns, arguing that it's an incorrect usage of they/them, or whatever the argument of the week is, then immediately use they/them pronouns for an individual in a different context without batting an eye, or even realizing what they've done.
Ignorance and hypocrisy.
By being offended I don't start calling them by their pronouns right away my brain immediately goes into defense mode and refuses to acknowledge whatever the fuck they identify as.
Fairly certain most don't get offended at genuine mistakes. It's doubling down that usually upsets people, and if you're the type to immediately go "well fuck you", I suspect that may be the case with you.
Thank you. I'm elated to hear that most don't get offended at genuine mistakes.
That's all I really needed.
Remember that it's the loud ones we hear most. If a hundred people just say nothing to avoid awkwardness, a dozen correct you politely and a single one kicks up a fuss, it's the fuss you will remember.
It's also easy to take corrections way more personally than they're intended. Someone saying "It's they, actually" isn't an expression of offense, even if it can feel bad to be corrected (because it feels bad to be "wrong"). Compare it to bumping into someone you didnt see, who then goes "watch out" to point out there's someone in the way – they're not necessarily upset, just informing you.
And finally, sometimes people are just irritable for whatever reason. They might not usually get offended, but for whatever reason will lash out that one time. To take the analogy of bumping into someone, perhaps their shoulder was already sore.
There certainly are some that do get offended. Some are so upset with the norms people grow up with they end up lashing out at those people instead. Some genuinely lack any understanding or patience for the other side of the issue. Some are just plain entitled. Some are looking for things to be upset at. Assholes exist in just about any sufficiently large grouping of people.
But for most I've known, it's really just about mutual respect, and often there's a base assumption of respect too. We all know how hard it can be to untrain a habit, and most people don't want unpleasantness. Don't let the exceptions get to you.