this post was submitted on 09 Jan 2025
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The Onion

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This is one of the best Onion articles ever. Read the whole thing.

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[–] [email protected] 44 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (2 children)

I dunno, i am very partial to this one

https://theonion.com/it-is-journalism-s-sacred-duty-to-endanger-the-lives-of-1850126997/

For more evidence of our time-honored journalistic commitment to endangering lives, please see our previous coverage of gay people, immigrants, Black people, and women.

[–] FlyingSquid 21 points 1 week ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 17 points 1 week ago (2 children)
[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 week ago (1 children)

https://theonion.com/fuck-everything-were-doing-five-blades-1819584036/

That one, for me, although I also note that 5 blade razors are now a thing...

But you know what happened next? Shut up, I’m telling you what happened—the bastards went to four blades. Now we’re standing around with our cocks in our hands, selling three blades and a strip. Moisture or no, suddenly we’re the chumps. Well, fuck it. We’re going to five blades.

[–] FlyingSquid 3 points 1 week ago

It was also basically a "news" article version of an SNL mock ad from the 70s about a 3-bladed razor with the tagline, "because you'll buy anything."

[–] Cold_Brew_Enema 5 points 1 week ago

Fuck this one was funny

[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Signed by the whole editorial board

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 week ago (2 children)

The only two I can read are Ted's and Steve's (and Joe's first name?), but the only one I know is Ted. Who are the others?

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 week ago

I believe that the first one is (fictional) The Onion publisher T. Herman Zweibel, the second one is hockey hall-of-famer Joe Sakic (who wore jersey number 19), and the 5th one looks like Mary Kay Letourneau (who infamously got pregnant with her 12-year-old student). Number 4, I can't make out.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 week ago

Steve Hannah is the old CEO of the onion, I've been trying to figure out the rest